Hi - I'm 26 years old and have been suffering from bbulimia and depression since I was a young child. I was a professional model for 10 years, and it was normal in that scene to throw up, use drugs, and control your weight by any means possible. I quit modeling at 21 and immediately started to gain weight. At 24, I had a child, and at nine months pregnant, I weighed 250 pounds. (My usual weight is 125-130 - I'm 5'11). It was like for the first time in my life I had an excuse to eat, and that's all I did. Now, two years later, I'm only down to 170, and I can't seem to lose the rest. I know it's horrible to purge, but I feel like I have to. I hate my body. I had a cesarean and I just feel like I look disgusting, like some fat girl has just taken me over. I feel so stupid and weak because I can't control it. I am on Effexor and Neurontin for Depression, but they don't seem to help. I'm afraid to tell my doctor because I don't want to be hospitalized. I can never stick to a diet or exercise program - I just don't have the motivation right now. Two months ago, I slit my wrist and took three bottles of pills. My roommate found me, and I'm OK, but still very tired and slightly angry that I'm still here. I don't want to die, and it makes me sick that I am whining about such a vain, stupid thing like my weight when I have a child to take care of, but I just can't even look in the mirror any more, and I have such hate for myself. Sorry this is so long - if anyone has any feedback I'd really appreciate it.
- Re: bulimia is killing me caz 07:26:11 11/30/00
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- Re: bulimia is killing me Recovering Bulimic 17:59:37 11/27/00
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- Re: bulimia is killing me Kristen 13:19:45 11/27/00
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- Re: bulimia is killing me Kathrin 01:33:16 11/27/00
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