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Posted by Maggie on December 07, 2000 at 07:37:59:

In Reply to: Re: Looking for some perspective posted by Maggie on December 06, 2000 at 10:12:28:

: : I have bulimic/ anorexic for 5 year. At my heaviest i was 5'8" 137lbs. I have not lost a lot of weight. Right now I am 102lbs. I am not very thin. Not to the point where I look sick. Its weird though, sometimes I can see that I am thin in pictures, but even when I weigh the same or less now than I did in the pictures when I look in the mirror I do not see what I see in the picture...does that make any sense? Mostly i see that i could be much thinner and look fine. I remember when I was at my heavier weight I would look at magazines and wish to look like the models. Now I look at the same magazines and think to myself that those models are heavier than I would want to be. I have a really hard time having a realistic idea of how much other people weigh. Girls who I think are much thinner than me tell me I weigh less than them, but I have a hard time believing them. How much do you think the girls in the magazines weigh for the different heights? My perspective is so screwed up and I wish i had some real #s to compare against, because I think that looking at myself I must weigh much more than they do.
I am so sorry that my response did not go through properly yesterday. I know for me, at least early on in my recovery, the weights of the models was a big deal to me. I felt I had to compare to them and also weigh less because I'm only 5'6" not 6'ft tall. I am still battling my bulimia and have little wisdom to offer except the truth. The models, depending on height, will weigh from 105-125 pounds. It seems that here recently there is an influx of larger, more full figured women in the modeling industry-Thank God!
I remember also looking at the models and thinking they were heavier than I wanted to be. The thinner I got the more critical I became of others bodies. Today I know that I am too thin and I am making every effort I can to recover. You just have to be willing to work hard to change the anorexic/bulimic dialog in the mind. I wish you all the best. Please E-mail anytime. I would love to hear back from you.

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