I don't know how to stop this. I have become so afraid that my body does not know how to process food into anything except fat that I just gobetween extremes. Whenever I eat now I never have the intention of keeping it down. And I must throw up until it is all out. So I am walking around ravenous. Because either I am not eating anything or else I am going on terrible binges and then throwing it all up so I am starving because there is NOTHING in my stomach. I never eat a normal meal anymore. I used to eat normal meals and then would binge/purge late at night. IT has only gotten more and more frewuent, probably 5 times a day. I spend an exorbenant amount of time and money. But I am scared to death to eat evven somewhat normally. I have gotten down to between 102 and 105 @ 5'8" but even though I am not really taking in calories that stay may weight has stayed the same. What on earth would happen if I did actually eat?! Does your metabolism ever go back to normal? A lot of people make comments about my weight now, you almost start to feel like that is waht you are known by. I am a cocktail waitress and I feel like so much of my appeal is tied up in the way I look. Just by the nature of my job I feel like people are always scrutinizing my body. So if I was to get "healthy (its odd but I cringe at the word. whenever someone says I am looking healthy I always equate that with they must think I look heavier...is that odd?)
and stopping purging causes me to gain weight I will get a lot of comments and also not get all the attention I get now. When I was in highschool no one ever noticed me. Now it feels so good when people say they wish they looked like me or tell me I am beautiful. Just wait till my teeth rot out that will be attractive. I just want to be able to stay this weight or maybe 5-10 lbs less without throwing up and always being obsessed about food. Is that possible. Please help!!
- Re: waging extremes Lee 13:00:24 12/11/00
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