Posted by Kathrin on December 16, 2000 at 00:48:23:

In Reply to: What should i do? posted by steph on December 15, 2000 at 18:14:26:

Dear Steph
first I want to ask you, are you getting any help for your depression?
Depression and eating disorders can go hand in hand. It does sound like you have an eating disorder.
Steph you need help! Feeling suicidal is nothing to play around with. Depression distorts your thinking so that things that you used to enjoy lose their appeal and the future looks bleak and hopeless... but it is only the depresison that makes you feel that way! Do you only feel suicidal after eating large amounts of food or also at other times? Have you ever really attempted to harm yourself? Have you already thought about ways to harm yourself and stuff like that?
see being suicidal occurs in depression and it always has to be taken seriously.

A few things about feeling suicidal after eating:
1) Even though you may feel uncomfortable after eating too much, this will NOT last long. Have you ever heard the expression "suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem"?
2) That one meal or large amount of food that you would kill yourself over would not even have made you "fat" in any way. It takes thosands of calories for one pound, and plus anyway the body has ways to regulate intake and energy output. Most peopel overeat sometimes and still stay at about the same weight. it is typical for eating disordered thinking to think that that one time will make you "fat".

By the way you are not overweight at all! Anorexia also distorts your body imnage, makes you see yourself as larger than you really are. Don't believe this distorted thinking!

Ok now for the case you feel acutely suicidal. Please write some things down so you have a "survuival plan" ready for the case of a crisis.
1) Write down numbers to call immediately. Of course in an acute crisis you should call 911 (if you are in the US. Otherwise your emergency number).
There are also suicide hotlines like in ths US there is for example 1-800-SUICIDE and I think there is also 1-800-999-9999. There are many local ones too. Look in the phone book.
Also maybe you can write down phone numbers of people you want to talk to when you feel down?
2) Write down this web address:
http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/
It is a website that peopel who intend to kill themselves should read first.
There is also http://www.1000deaths.com which is worth looking at, it is about the relatives/friends of people who killed themselves.
3) IMPORTANT: ALWAYS give yourself some distance to the crisis. tell yourself to wait at LEAST a week and then re-evaluate the situation. NEVER act on impulse.

Never forget: it is the pain you want to end, not your life, right?
See it may feel like the eating disprder is everything and you cannot imagine living in a brighter world. But let me tell you, I was anorexic, and I recovered. I could never imagine I would be happy without it. But I did different thins again in my life.

Good luck to you. PLEASE try to get yourself some help ok? You need it. it is hard doing it all alone. I want you to be safe. Anorexia is SO not worth it. It can actually CAUSE depression. It can steal your dreams and make you only obsessed with weight, body size, and all that. Is that what life is supposed to be about?
But you can change that... there is happiness out there. Light. REAL life, not just the dull existence of anorexia. Think about it.

kathrin

• p.s. Kathrin 00:51:20 12/16/00 (2)
  • to kathrin steph 10:28:59 12/17/00 (1)
    • Re: to kathrin Kathrin 16:59:01 12/20/00 (0)