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Posted by Felicia on August 07, 1999 at 01:24:46:

Hi. This is my first time on this board. I've been bulemic for 17 years (I turned 30 yesterday). I've been wondering
these past few days why I bother, I've always needed to lose 10 - 15 pounds. The bulemia doesn't seem to
help. I wish I could be anorexic, but I don't have the will power. I read someone else's post and they mentioned
that our weight isn't the problem. We don't do this because we weigh too much, we do it because
there is something wrong with us. OK, I recognize that. I understand that there is something wrong with a grown, professional
woman sneaking into a bathroom to squat on a dirty floor and throw up. I realize that it's not normal to think to myself
that if I eat cinamon rolls from those stores at the mall, they are going to be a big hassle to throw up, but if
I go home and eat a gallon of ice cream, that will be easy to throw up.
OK, I realize this is wrong and sick, but what can I do? 17 years of this, and I hate the way I look & I keep throwing up.
I want to stop. I can't go to a psychiatrist because I don't want anything to interfere with my job. How have those of you
on the board that have stopped managed to do so? Often I've promised myself this is over, but then I over eat and
throw up. Then since I've done it once, I may as well make a day of it. How can I stop? I'm sick of being a slave.
Thank you for letting me vent. I appreciate your help & this board. Good luck to you all.

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