Posted by Dingo
on February 11, 2000 at 10:06:26:
I don't want to offend anyone, but I am a recovering anorexic and have come here looking for a place where a friend of mine who is a compulsive overeater and bulimic (she is not yet online) can find peace and get help. She is in therapy but what she really needs is people who understand her, and who won't help her into more ways of escaping reality. She "only" used to be overeating, but now that she is out of rehab she is bulimic as well, some girls there taught her how to do it "properly".
I must say I am a bit disappointed of this place, it sounds just like her rehab...
Only very few people who post on this board seem serious about recovery, many just seem to want the feeling of not being alone, but end up sharing tricks and pushing each other back and forth in ED behavior. They do not realise that if they want to get better they have to stop obsessing with food so they can concentrate on their real problems. Going to an ED board just keeps them in touch with people who are obsessed with food an weight loss, and all they talk about is calories, weight and food.
So many posts go something like this "I have eaten a cookie and now I feel bad", and the replies sound like this "Sweetie you wont get fat from a cookie".
Many of these replies are from people who claim to want or be in recovery, but why oh why do they reassure people that they have to be thin instead of saying "It is not healthy to eat a carrot and a cookie a day, please get help" or "Just stop for a moment and think about WHY you are doing this to yourself"!
So here is to all those people who go online to share their problems:
IT IS OKAY TO SHARE YOUR STORY, BUT THERE SHOULD BE A LIMIT!
TALKING ABOUT LOSING WEIGHT AND FOOD DOES NOT HELP, IT JUST KEEPS YOU TRAPPED IN YOUR BEHAVIOUR! ONLY IF YOU LET GO OF THESE THOUGHTS YOU WILL BE ABLE TO
CONCENTRATE ON YOUR REAL PROBLEMS, AND START RECOVERY!
Replies like "Just eat a bit less tomorrow, so your binge won't harm you" DO NOT HELP.
Why don't we all sit down and spend a few minutes thinking about what it is that makes you want to starve yourself. And don't say "Its the media or my father who tell me to be thin", because EATING DISORDERS ARE NOT ABOUT FOOD/WEIGHT!
I for example became anorexic 10 years ago. I am over it now, but it took me a long time to realise what was wrong. I was 17 and just about at the age where you should discover yourself, peel off the kid shell and discover the person you are, on the inside.
I was a really good student and had not many friends, and instead of trying to be myself and go out there to discover the world I locked myself up and started to lose weight. I thought if I lost weight I would become a different person, I would grow up and become myself.
This partly had to do with the fact that at the age of 15 I put on 20 pounds within a very short time. I didnt realise that this was natural, that a woman's shape requires a little bit of body fat and that it is part of the whole process of becoming an adult.
I lost the 20 pounds within a very short time, and was down to just under 100 lbs on 5'5".
I thought that the more weight I lost, the better a new person I would become. I skipped meals, cut out my snacks, took laxatives (not excessively, but it still hurt like hell, and I still have haemmorhoids from this) and even binged and threw up my lunch for a while.
I manilcally kept writing a diary, and read loads of books on anorexia. That is the weird thing, I KNEW what I was doing to myself, but the main characters in these books seemed so strong, so independent, so grown up, that was exactly what I wanted to be like.
My weight loss was not unnoticed, and the most embarrassing thing that ever happened was when my father found a meal I had thrown away when he was emptying a bin. He didn't say anything though.
Durong all of this, I was really obsessed with my diary and very afraid that anybody could ever read it.
Several times I tore it apart and chucked it away, just to buy a new one the next day.
This lasted for about half a year, although I never got under 100 pounds. Then something changed.
I found myself, I don't know what exactly made me realise this, but I just knew that starving yourself would never make me a better person. What I had to change was my attitude, not my appearance.
I started eating better, and started going out, listening to music, making friends.
I am now (and have been for 9 years)completely ED free, and accept myself the way I am. In fact, now the kind of girls that I see and think "I would like to look like her" are usually slightly overweight, not fat, but no toothpicks either.
I can even take comments from friends or my husband (joking, but for some people still triggering) calling me fat or chubby.
I LOOK GOOD! ON THE OUTSIDE AND ON THE INSIDE!
Love to you all. I hope there will be some replies to this, and that some of you people for once stop posting about how "fat" they are, how much they have eaten and how much they would like to weigh.
Instead I would like to read some posts that say "Okay, I have thought a bit, and I guess this and this is what makes me feel so bad about myself".
Remember: You have to let go a little of your ED thoughts before you can realise what makes you behave the way you do. Anorexia is evil, and it occupies your mind so you can't think about what is causing it. It is like a virus, it affects you and makes you think about something else while it slowly damages your body. By the time you realise the damage, it is already so deeply inside your mind that you are too weak to fight it.
Love to all of ya! Recovery IS possible, but you have to stop thinking about food to uncover the real problems!
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