Posted by Lindsay
on March 22, 2000 at 13:48:47:
In Reply to: BULIMIA posted by LYNN on September 19, 1999 at 00:28:22:
: I am 18 years old. I used to be anorexic, but the need for food was too dramatic, and I began to be bulimic. What scares me about it is...I honestly don't want to stop. Because I know that if I do stop, I will gain weight. I want to look the same, but without starving, or benging and purging. But that's just not possible, so I do whatever is necessary. In a way I want to tell a friend, but then I know that I will have to try to stop. The last thing I want to do is get fat. I'm not too skinny right now, I'm 5'7" 123 lbs. And I don't seem to be getting any smaller, so I keep telling myself that what I'm doing is not dangerous. I need help, I need someone to talk to. I'm really scared and I don't know what to do.
Your situation sounds all to familiar to me. I am 19 years old, 5'8" and today I weigh 120lbs. I started purging about a year ago. I knew what I was doing was wrong but I couldn't help it. I would be fine for a week and then go back to my bad habits. Now it has progressed to the point where I throw up virtually every meal I eat and stay up until everyone else goes to bed just so I can eat tons and tons of the foods I love just to end up purging everything (or at least I hope everything!) at the end of my eating frenzy. Some days I hate myself for living this way and others I marvel at how wonderful it is to be able to eat so much and not gain more than a pound. I enjoy like the way I look now but am still dissatisfied with certain areas like my thighs. Just like you, I want to talk to someone about my problem. This is the first time I have ever tried to. At the same time, I know that if I tell anyone that "really knows me", I will be constantly watched and criticized. Even more, I will have to stop and even though I want to be healthy and normal, I don't want to stop. If you want to compare notes and feelings, feel free to email me. Good luck.