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Posted by I would love to help and no tips on hurting yourself more on July 03, 2000 at 16:00:41:

In Reply to: Re: What's with the tips????? posted by Your right on June 28, 2000 at 23:06:00:

: : How long can I wait to puke?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! What??? I came here looking for support from people suffering from similar problems. The majority of what I see are tips! I've been fighting this thing for almost 10 years, up and down. I was doing well for about 4 of those years, but I have a tendancy to relapse. As an athlete, I struggle with weight change and body image. Being a biologist, I know the physical mess it makes, not to mention mental. My head knows what to do, but my heart won't listen. My greatest wish is to "just be able to eat." My therapist and I go over and over it. I know it's a HUGE shame and control issue. I'm so much better than I used to be though. I can finally go to the grocery store by myself without freaking out. I just feel stuck. I'm fine cooking for someone else, but hate cooking for one. How do I start chipping away at this wall that is in front of me? I've got all my food logs, etc... Why can't I see the other side?
: : T

: The tips here are rediculous. I came here, just like you, to stop and find some answers...I received one post helping me. It seams like this is more of a page for people who want to continue doing this to themselves. I for one would love to stop. Coming from someone what wants probably the same answers, it is hard to see the other side. Why? I'm sorry, I can't really answer that...maybe because it has become such an addiction. Maybe it's out of fear. How to chip away at the wall? I can't answer that completely.....maybe if your more open?? I might not helped alot...but good luck....I hope you find your answers...I know you at least deserved a response.

Well,
This is the first time I've been here (on the message board). I have been on the infertility one a lot because because of bulimia, I am currently "infertile". I have been "recovered" with no relapses whatsoever for one year. I was bulimic for 12-15 years and anorexic for a few of them. I estimate because I honestly cannot remember exactly when I allowed bulimia to take over my entire brain, life, soul, and spirit.
Can you stop forever? YES!!!! I know that I have stopped forever because I have absolutely made that choice. I REFUSE to allow myself to purge on purpose ever again. (last week I had some so-so shrimp and almost lost it but I would not let myself throw up even then). How to stop forever:
This is how I did it and am doing it.
1. I told my husband. This was the biggest move I have ever made in my whole life. I realized that I have never really trusted anyone up until that moment. Imagine the horror! would he leave me? Be repulsed by me? Tell me I was the most disgusting human being on earth? Maybe, but I was SICK TO DEATH of hiding from myself and the world. Luckily, he was totally supportive, understanding, and accepting.
2. I took it one meal at a time and I weighed myself only one time a week. Weighing freaked me out so at my husband's suggestion, I weighed everyday to see that there are fluctuations. (only ONCE a day in the a.m.) Yes, I do plan meals and try to be aware of how much I am eating so I don't go over board.
3. I don't buy binge food.
4. I talked about it all the time; how I was feeling, whining about feeling fat and then examining why it is so important for me to be exactly a certain weight, size, look, etc. Then I kept talking and keep talking about how I feel.
5. I am still working on the mentality that everyone has to like me. They don't. I kicked bulimia's ass and that makes me feel powerful!!
6. Tell people what you are doing and how far you have come. Praise yourself every day. Examine your negative self talk. (It's there.) When you catch yourself saying something negative to yourself or even about someone else, Tell yourself to STOP!!!!!!!!
7. Think about what you want out of life and then go for it!!!!
If all of this sounds too simple, it is and it isn't. I am still on a journey. A journey to recover the person that I lost all those years ago. Someone who was playful, fun, happy, talented, and vibrant. I am slowly re-emerging everyday.
YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!!!!!
(yes I saw tons of therapists along the way but I did not stop until I was ready. I have examined underlying issues until I am sick of examing. I'm a licensed therapsit for CHrist's sake, even that did not heal me, until now. YOU must be ready and make the decision to live again!!) I am 32 years old now.
There are no tips on how to stay sick here. Only tips to help, heal, and love!!!!!!
Please respond on the board to my email: julie@mapmasters.com


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