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Posted by Denise on July 18, 2000 at 13:18:30:

I'm 19 and going into my 3rd year of colleg, and like I've heard so many other girls say - on the outside I look completely normal: I'm a premed major with great grades/parents/friends, etc. But for some reason, last year I started throwing up. I never really did the typical binging down tons and tons of food - I don't even try to starve myself. I'm just consumed by eating just right all the time and whevever I get weak and want to pig out on all those great foods, I feel so guilty I just have to throw it all up.(Don't you miss those days when you could eat pizza and ice-cream and never even gave it a second thought) It's this terrible cycle - I think I have enough willpower to eat right and then bam - I'm secretly bingeing and the next thing you know I'm in the bathroom again throwing up. I've done it off and on for the past year - I've never thrown up blood or done it more than once a day - but how do I get back to those days when I would NEVER even think about doing something like that - I always thought I was so HEALTH conscious and not WEIGHT conscious - it's like this constant battle in my mind: do I want to be thin or healthy - can I be both. What's so funny is that everyone thinks I have the perfect body with all the right proportions. So what exactly am I striving for and how do I make it stop? Anyone, please respond.

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