Posted by Janet
on December 13, 2000 at 20:37:14:
In Reply to: Re: screaming inside and outside "oh no not you!!!" posted by gav on December 12, 2000 at 08:37:36:
Seeing a specialist in the field is very important. Although I take zoloft for depression.. I still have episodes of depression that sometimes seems to go deeper than the medication. I used to sleep 3/4 of the day in bed not caring anything as to what was going on around me. My primary care dr.took me off most of the meds I was on and thanks to him I'm more awake than I was. I think most of the time I was looking for a cure only to realize there is none. Also whether I want to admit or not.. I was using the medication as a way out not only to keep them under control which they seem to do oh I'd say bout 70% of the time. Thats saying I stay away from and kind of stress, blinking lights or any of the other 100 triggers.. which is'nt saying a lot.also so I did'nt have to deal with them. I have seen many specialist in the field of neurology only to be in there office for 1 hr. answering questions and taking silly little tests only to have the same thing I already knew which was I had epilespy! lol As you know everyday is a struggle for us and what does'nt kill us makes us stronger. I don't feel like a strong person I just take it day by day. Janet: : Before I reply to anymore messages posted, let me first tell you a little of my seizures and feelings.
: : Please if anyone has the same feelings please respond.
: : First of all I was diagnosed with seizures at the age of 14. doctors say lied dormit for years since the age of 6 1/2 months. Was told they were there because of a high fever at the age of 6 1/2 months during a childhood illness. (by the way, that is no consolation for the aggravition, embarrasment, depression,no voice for 1 week maybe more, or the tears I go through when these things occur.
: : let me try an describe my type of seizures. when i was a teenager: picture a circle cut like a pie then cut again and again an again til there were many seperated parts on this wheel. In those parts were different things. I described this circle as a "wheel" because when a seizure occures after the feeling "I'v done this before, an everyone were as statues not moving or moving so slow i bairly saw it, the more I looked at them could not move, being that I could'nt move at all.
: : The wheel started spinning, spinning where I could'nt make it slow down to see what was on the wheel. So I lost all consentration as what the wheel was doing and slowly went down to where I did'nt know. My body Has always had a want to to get down to the ground fast but with what was happening in my head it could'nt make it like a slow motion movie picture. The ground, not mattering what was down there wether it be heater vents, rocks, water or just balloons, it did'nt matter just as long as i was down there. My body went cold, started shaking uncontrollably then very fast went hot.
: : A terrible headache came about then came an overwelming need to sleep. Because a grandmal came hidden in a mild stroke at 29, it made matters worse.
: : I went through times like "blaming our lord" "the world an myself don't want me" "everyone keeps lookin at me" and "my friends forsaken me". I am a christain an have been since the age of 12. I no longer blame the Lord for he has made me stronger and let a friend help me to find this site. Living my life out day to day is a struggle still with sleep disorders, anxiety disorder, headaches, depression, the tears coming when there seems to be nothing wrong an being safe in my home. safe from people, places an things, I may never go out of my home like other people that have the privilege of doing but i know God has helped me realize that I can endure things like this and hopefully be a help to others like me in need. I studder, an often times loose my voice and that is hard. My right side of body looses all muscle movements an i use crutches to drag my leg until it straightens out. The most important is helping, loving, an sharing with others letting them know they are not along an maybe giving them a little advice they did'nt know.
: Dear Janet
: You are so very brave.My epilepsy has grown worse in the last few years and now i have given up all hope in my medication.I am now suffereing from depression and saw my doc last night(again).However anti-depressants react with my drugs for my epilepsy so he could not perscribe them and has also told me there is nothing he can do as I have an appointment with a special epilepsy clinic in January so there is no point messing around with my drugs now.I also have found this message board a great help as although I talk to my girlfriend and relatives about it all they do not understand the 'feelings' and so try as they might they cannot understand what i am going through.I am just hoping that i can have a non-worry xmas until i go to the clinic in January(last xmas day i had 2 seizures so i dont remember much of the day except for sleeping and i even missed dinner! :o))I hope that things improve for you and try to be strong and know that there are people out there who care for you.Take care.