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Re: Telling people

Re: Telling people

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Posted by Alexandra on June 25, 2000 at 20:54:10:

In Reply to: Re: Telling people posted by Sue on June 14, 2000 at 17:25:59:

: : Yea....i supose, i never really thought of it like that. They could be infected and all that stuff.....As long as your taking all of the necessary precasions then it's your business to tell who you want an only who you want. Since you do say your using condoms and don't engage in oral sex the risk is probably next to nothing for them. What you chose to do with your life is nobody's business but your own. Your obviously responsible in protecting others and yourself, and like you said they could be infected with things to. So as long as your safe and happy just keep doin what your doing.
: : :0)

: Nothing is 100%. Not even rubbers. If you have herpes, you can transmit it without having an "outbreak". Your sex partner, no matter if it is serious or lighthearted, should be aware of the possibilities of transmission. Then he can decide for himself. If you don't want to tell him, don't sleep with him. I would want to know if the person I was about to sleep with had any tranmittable diseases. You should never be too horney to be careful. You are right in that it is no ones business to know if they are just friends or aqaintances, but once you cross over to a sexual relationship, that's completely different!
: Something to think about: If your having casual sex with a guy and decide later down the road that you could be serious with this guy, he may be the one...will you tell him? I'm assuming you will. What will he think of you then? You, in a way by neglecting to tell him about your diseases, have lied to him. If there was a chance of having a serious relationship, forget it! If you lie about that, what else would you lie about!!
: 3 years ago I told the guy I was dating about my herpes, but not until we decided to have sex. It was about a month into our relationship. I made it very clear that there was NOT CURE and that I could NOT GUARANTEE that I would not transmit it to him. I also gave him pamphlets and a phone number he could call to get more information so that he was well informed and could make an educated decision about our relationship. This was the hardest thing I've ever had to do!! But it was the most important conversation in our relationship, it showed I was honest and trustworthy, two very important qualities in people that seem to get tossed aside for the sake of "privacy". After a week, we spoke about it again and he decided we would be careful as best we could, but that he didn't want our relationship to end.
: We have been married two months now, he has not contracted the disease as of this date (3 years and counting).
: He knows he can trust me and I know he trusts me and loves me unconditionally!


Thanks for your input. I have actually found out that I do not have herpes (there will be more tests done, however) but I am, of course, confirmed HIV+. I totally understand what you are saying about relationships getting serious, etc. The thing is that I always know whether I would want to seriously date any of these guys or not. In my case, a lighthearted sex would never become a full-time serious relationship, period. I have lots of other great things going on in my life, so dating is not something I would want to do in the nearest future. I never wanted to get married, etc. And I do not want to be 'honest and trustworthy' with a guy because I have other goals in my life rather than engaging in a trusting relationship. In any case, if I ever decide on dating someone seriously, then I'll see how it goes, although I do not envisage such possibility in a foreseeable future. The reason I am not telling anyone, is because a) I can never be sure whether they are telling the truth about their health status, b) I do not want anyone to know about mine, and c) they don't ask / I don't tell. So, that is how it goes for me.


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