Re: The "Question"



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Re: The "Question"

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Posted by diane on November 05, 2000 at 15:05:19:
In Reply to: The "Question" posted by Dave on November 03, 2000 at 13:55:42:
: I would like to share some of my thoughts about infertility with you. My wife and I have been married for 16 years. We endured years of infertility treatments and did not conceive. We finally gave up.
: I might tell you our story (which is a nightmare)in the future, but I'd rather give some advice instead. One of the most difficult things an infertile couple will face is what I call the "question". The question I am referring to is the "do you have kids?" question. How do you answer this? You don't want to be rude, but at the same time you can't always answer it with a simple "No". I usually answered the "question" with "we're working on it". Naturally, the person asking the question may want to give you some friendly advice about how to go about conceiving. I usually would acknowledge their advice and then change the subject. The person asking the question will hopefully realize that they are in a sensitive area and back off. I rarely answer the "question" with a detailed dissertation about infertility treatments because I consider this to be confidential medical information and don't feel comfortable sharing this. When I reached the age of 40, people generally quit asking us the "question". However, we still get asked the "question" occasionally. The answer I use now I learned from another childless couple that is in our age group. The answer she would use was "we weren't blessed with any children". When you use this answer it is usually followed by a period of silence. Then the subject changes. I hope this makes sense to you.
: Peace
What I have started saying over the years when people ask the "question" is "No our dog is our baby" which changes the subject even by people who don't understand what it is like to love a pet.

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: : I would like to share some of my thoughts about infertility with you. My wife and I have been married for 16 years. We endured years of infertility treatments and did not conceive. We finally gave up. : : I might tell you our story (which is a nightmare)in the future, but I'd rather give some advice instead. One of the most difficult things an infertile couple will face is what I call the "question". The question I am referring to is the "do you have kids?" question. How do you answer this? You don't want to be rude, but at the same time you can't always answer it with a simple "No". I usually answered the "question" with "we're working on it". Naturally, the person asking the question may want to give you some friendly advice about how to go about conceiving. I usually would acknowledge their advice and then change the subject. The person asking the question will hopefully realize that they are in a sensitive area and back off. I rarely answer the "question" with a detailed dissertation about infertility treatments because I consider this to be confidential medical information and don't feel comfortable sharing this. When I reached the age of 40, people generally quit asking us the "question". However, we still get asked the "question" occasionally. The answer I use now I learned from another childless couple that is in our age group. The answer she would use was "we weren't blessed with any children". When you use this answer it is usually followed by a period of silence. Then the subject changes. I hope this makes sense to you. : : Peace : What I have started saying over the years when people ask the "question" is "No our dog is our baby" which changes the subject even by people who don't understand what it is like to love a pet.
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