My IBS Testimonial
My IBS Testimonial
[ Back to Messages
Posted by Kimberly B.
on August 13, 2000 at 23:10:04:
Hi, Everyone! So, finally after almost a year of checking in on this message board...I finally got the nerve to speak up. My name is Kimberly and I'm 25yrs old. This has probably been one of the most nerve wrecking weeks for me ever.
I sincerely believe that I suffer from IBS. I finally got the last portions (I hope) of my labwork done last week. This is the 3rd doctor I've seen, and he is the only one so far that believes that I do have IBS, but still wanted to go through with the labwork, etc. I even had to have a 24-hr urine collection. The only one thing left for me to do is to have a colonscopy I believe. So, far this MD placed me on takng Lotronex. To be quite honest, I think it didn't help me any, but maybe caused me to have more problems. So, I quit taking them.
I've been dealing with what I believe is IBS for the past 3 yrs almost, and last night was just one of those nights where I just cried and cried in bed thinking what an emotional, physical, psychological, and spirtual toll it has taken upon me, my husband, and close family members. I can't even imagine telling others around me. I just moved to another state, and you can just imagine the psychological impact that had upon me. A 16hr drive through 3 states was devastating to me. I refused to eat almost 2 days prior to leaving and wouldn't eat a bite the entire trip out. It's horrible. I have a fear of being on a flight cause I have no idea when an attack will come. And airports,let's not even discuss that. Trying to make a flight and Find a restroom? Anytime my husband and I leave the house, as silly as it sounds I try to figure out how long, where we are going, and where are the restrooms. My husband is extremely patient and understanding about all this (and we just got married a few mnths ago)...but you have no idea how humilating it is to have this problem. I'm having trouble sticking to a job, how can someone explain this to an employer without being completely humilated and embarrassed? There ARE some aspects of my life I wish to keep mine, and disscussing bowel movements isn't one of them.
It has taken such control of my life it has made me miserable. I miss being like "other" people, and at times I envy them. Horrible of me, I know, but true. I want to be able to travel, go on flights, not have panic attacks, go to a movie, go to a baseball game....I've literally become a prisoner in my own home. It's become such a burden to me, that I'm desperately seeking to work from home (you know, in the privacy of MY bathroom). I can't even being to mention those incidents about "bathrooms"....public ones. People waiting around, you stuck in there...embarrassed and in agony. I once had a bout so bad (lucky I was home that night) that last almost 12 hours. I literally slept on the bathroom floor. I was so drained and tired. Almost blacked-out. That's when I realized, something is wrong. And to be quite honest, all of this didn't happen to me until I was taking Toporol XL for HBP in 1997. I developed severe coilitis, at least that's what the cardiologist told me. He removed me off of it after almost taking for 8 months. That's basically where I can pinpoint it all starting. Not until then, I was perfectably fine. Now, it's where is the next rest area? how long till we are there? are we taking the interstate with 24hr restrooms? do people with RVs know how lucky they are? That's the only way I figure I'll ever be able to travel. I keep telling my husband, we need to hitch a port-a-potty to the truck. I try to have some humor about it, but it really isn't a laughing matter. I've hit an all time low...I watch what I eat, the medicines I take (which by the way I've noticed personally any -mycin antibiotics ruin me), Immodium, pepto, kaeopectate, lomitil have been friends of mine. I got to a point I was taking up to 3 lomitils on an empty stomach before I would even step out of the house. Slowly and gradually, I've gotten to the point that I'm flying "solo"....and was doing OK till about last week. I figured taking the lotronex would help, but about after a week...I began to have the cramping, the constant diarrhea, the gassy sensation and pain, and that horrible sweat or chill you get right before within seconds you know what is going to happen. But what has changed this week is that I have the "feeling" of having to go, and I do...but it almost feels like I'm not done. One day this week, I was in the restroom so frequently, that my bum (sorry to say it) is raw and sensitive. Even when I urinate, it's almost acidic...I can feel it on my bum...cause I'm so tender. This week has been a trying one...I pray that God grants me some peace and gives me the strength to deal with this....At times I feel so hopeless...so tired....so cheated. I feel that at times, I'm holding others back cause of my IBS. Have to plan it around "Kimberly's" need for the restroom. I feel so powerless most of the times. Anyways, sorry about all this....I just had to vent some. I would love to hear from anyone--please. And I promise not to be so lengthy next time :O) Email me if you want to chat: firstname.lastname@example.org or have any suggestions. And I've bookmarked this chat board...Just reading about others makes me feel I have some control over this! God Bless--