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Posted by friend
on August 19, 2000 at 03:32:09:
In Reply to: Re: lying posted by Elaine on August 18, 2000 at 22:14:04:
I think you just need counceling yourself, to learn how not to be your sister's enabler.
There may be times to say "my sister just made that up", and times to just be quiet, depending on the situation. But I sure would not cover her lies for her.
The thing is to examine your own motives.
If her lies are harming someone else, then it is right to say the truth. But if only affecting her, that is her thing to deal with.
Embarrassment that she does this is your own feeling and yours to deal with. You might try forgiving her dishonsty, and try reaching out in acceptance. Don't hesitate to be honest with her though, one on one. There is nothing wrong with telling her in private that you love her, but don't trust her due to all the lying, if an appropiate time to do this comes up.
If you are going to have a relationship with her, you have to learn to leave her stuff with her, but to be real and honest with her about what you think and feel, while "owning" it.
This means not blaming her for your own reactions and responses.
Thru your honest, and caring relationship, she may even see she has a problem and want to change.
But your relationship cannot be based on fixing her, or it is not going to work. Seeing her need to change or wanting to is totally personal responsibility. It is not up to you to make her want to change.
It also is NO reflection on you that she lies.
Just make sure you don't. That is all we can control...ourselves.