Imperial College & Social Phobia
Imperial College & Social Phobia
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Posted by aitchisonian
on August 22, 2000 at 02:14:06:
The message i posted yesterday was a new experience for me. I have had some very prompt and encouraging replies. I had no idea i would find so many people with similar problems and though i would never have wanted others to go through what i am experiencing, it feels nice to know that i am not alone in this.
In my fight against social anxiety / phobia , i have found that people who dont suffer from this have very little understanding of it. If only they had known how it feels to be in such a situation, things would have been much better. The worse part is that even my own family, never came to my rescue. I love and respect my parents but i must add here that parents can play a very important role in this fight against social phobia. I wish my parents had been more understanding, though i would never doubt their sincerity. They have given me so much in life, if only they had been more helpful in this as well. But i cannot put the entire blame on them. As most of u must be aware of , people like us find it very difficult to share such things with others even with their own parents. They would always think of us as being a shy kid rather than acknowledge the fact that its worse than that. To all those parents who are reading this , if u have a child u think is shy, please help him /her out. His / her being shy MAY be a symptom of social anxiety disorder.
As a child, I once read a novel "Things fall apart" . Though i cant recall what was it all about , the title somehow stuck in my mind. Things certainly fell apart for me. Now there is a chance for me to change things i missed out on in the past. As i mentioned in my last message, i would be joining imperial college (London) next month (MSc Computing Science). U would all know how difficult and hard that would be for some one like me. Going to a different country , a different language ( my mother tongue is not english) and sufferring from SAD. Contrary to what my family may think ( they are delighted about it), i am really SCARED. For the past one month i have been rehearsing how i will introduce my self in the class room. To tell u the truth i am not sure if i will even go past saying my name. I would most certainly get tongue tied again. And i may quit it altogether. I have raised almost 12500 pounds for the tution fee, thanks to my family, but i cannot ignore the fact that i may lose all that . I would never forgive myself if that happens. I am encouraged by the fact that i might find some help there. I may meet some of u guys.. I have heard the colleges offer student councilling but i am not sure how helpful that could be.
I am also thinking on the lines , that i introduce my self in the class, as being affected by SAD. That would take a lot of courage and i might never admit it infront of all those people, but if i do, DO U THINK IT WOULD BE HELPFUL. Even the thought of that class room scares me. How will i get through all that???
I even sent a mail to the DISABILITY OFFICER at imperial college asking for help.But do i qualify for being disable???? However she is on leave till the 5th of september and havnt answered my mail yet. My classes commence on the 30th of September. I may also send a mail to the department head, explaining all this, but then i get afraid and scared as to how he would react to it.
In about a months time i shall have to confront my fears, and i may fail miserably. But if i get through it, i would certainly want to share it with you. More than anything else, i believe that we guys want to hear how people can beat this thing. Please be there for me. Stay in touch. I need your help.
Some of you have suggested that i join a UK group and attend a meeting. That might help. I may even find a fellow student from my college there, though i doubt there would be any. But then i get this strong feeling of pessimism. I even get afraid of meeting u guys, though i know u would understand, still it scares me. When this happens, i go back to the solitude of my room and start crying.
I have recieved a mail from a research student in england, who encouraged me to go ahead with my plans. I would like to believe that if someone else can do it , i might find success as well. Yet i think, my case could be entirely different from his.
I write these lengthy mails becoz i have kept quiet for all these years. I need to get it out of me. Some of you have taken time out to write to me. I cant thank you enough for that.
I would also like to express my gratitude to all those who posted these web sites and forums on the net. I dont know how does one actually get cured of this, ( CBT and medication probably) , but for those who live in countries that as of yet dont offer such programs, your sites are very helpful in providing information and awareness for SAD.