Re: Depression and sibling rivalry
Re: Depression and sibling rivalry
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Posted by Ray
on September 23, 2000 at 16:48:16:
In Reply to: Depression and sibling rivalry posted by Laura on August 31, 2000 at 16:19:13:
: First, I want to thank anyone who took the time to read this.
: I'm a 16 year old high school senior and I'm incredibly depressed. But depression is only the half of it. I hate the person that I am. I don't recall being truly happy in three years. I have no one to talk to (my parents, but I could never tell them this) no friends to give me a "pick me up" when I'm feeling down. I'll come home from school and I'll just start crying. Sometimes it's over something so simple as the house being empty. I thought at first that I could handle my depression by myself. But I can't. I wish I could change my personality, but I can't. I feel so alone.
: But again, my problem is not only depression. I hate who I am. I think I'm a bad person. I know I am. I can't stop feeling this way. An example is that I'm incredibly jealous of my sister. She's 3 years older than me, she's smarter than I am, she's the pretty one, the funny one, the outgoing one, the social one, the daring one...and I can't even compete anymore. I try to do good in school. I get a high GPA, I stopped smoking and doing drugs 2 years ago because I realized that I was hurting my mom more than I could ever imagine. Since then I've been an ideal daughter. I don't stay out late (or go out at all, really), I've been clean for 2 years, and I've removed myself from the circle of friends that got me involved with drugs to begin with. I've withdrawn myself from the social circle all together just so I would be tempted into smoking or drugs anymore. And I've tried really hard to get where I am today, but when I hold that up against all that my sisters done, it looks pathetic. So I envy my sister. I love my sister with all my heart, but at the same time, I hate her for being so damn good at everything. She's the "perfect" daughter, and despite everything that I've done, I don't feel that I'm good enough. She's left such hard shoes for me to fill. She's got the happy life, the great friends. I have no friends, and I don't want to envy her anymore. I've got to stop comparing myself to her. She's not the problem, I am.
: The person who knew me best (before she moved) even said to me, "You've got to stop comparing yourself with your sister. You'll never get anywhere by doing that." But I really can't. Maybe it's insecurity, maybe it's just my depression kicking in, maybe it's because I'm scared that she really does overshadow me in every aspect, but I can't stop.
: Anyone...I'm sorry this was so long, but help me...please.
The society we live in tells us that if you make good grades, participate in a lot of extracurricular activites, are beautiful, and know a lot of people then you are a successful person. Many times when you don't fit that description you view yourself as an unsuccessful person (or a failure). It is especially difficult for you because your sister matches the description of someone "successful" and you supposedly don't. I'm one of those people who used to view the kind of person your sister is as a "successful" person, but now I realize that the only reason that I thought like that is because it was programmed in my mind to think this way by the society we live in. Once you realize that you are no worse or better than your sister, but you're different then maybe you begin to see yourself in a different way. The mainstream in our society would consider the President to be better or more successful than a Phys Ed teacher, but I see them as just to different people with different experiences and different lives. I would also mention your feelings to your family so that they can get you some help for your depression. Good Luck