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How would you describe my personality ?

How would you describe my personality ?

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Posted by David Hill on November 12, 2000 at 04:41:13:

Hi, Id like too describe my life story first so that you can get a handle on why I feel the way I do.
I was born in 1966 ,My parents where 45 (dad) and 37 (mum) at the time, the both came too Australia from England in 1958 to live, I have no brothers or sisters ,and my father died in 1976 when I was 9 so as a result my only living relative is my mother (who is now 71).
Thinking back ,before I went too school I spent a lot of time by myself ,I cant remember haveing much contact with other kids my age ,Both my mother and father worked so I was looked after by my grandmother who was liveing with them at the time.
I started school in 1973 at the age of 6 and three months ,I remember being pretty shy at school, I also remember always being last too be picked when it came too most activitys ,I also remember being bullied and ridiculed by both boys and girls (mosty because of a scar on the left side of my face that I got falling out of a high chair when I was a baby).
In 1979 my mother and I moved away from where we where liveing so I lost contact with any friends that I had at the time ,also in that year I started high school ,I remember thinking at the time that I was hopeing that I would be treated better by the kids there seeing that I didnt know them and Id be starting with a clean slate....unfortunately I was wrong ,Things just continued the same bullied and rejected ...and being rejected by girls when your a teenager is hard too take .
I remember that when any school socials where on I didnt go ..mostly because I didnt want too spend my time being ignored or made fun of ...so I just stayed at home with mum.
At the end of high school I didnt have any idea what I was going to do ...also I was very shy and was scared of talking to people mostly people in authority.
At the age of 17 I gained a motorcycle licence ,I didnt bother getting a car licence because I have a great fear of being judged when I am learning something.
In 1983 when I was 17 we moved back too where we lived before ,I got myself a job at a local brickworks as a labourer (Im still there doing the same job) ,I really do hate my job but I have no qaulifications and at 34 jobs are hard too find.
Going back in time again ,In 1983 ,I got back in with the guys I had parted from in 1978. I guess because they had car licences and I didnt we just fell out of touch ,also they where chaseing girls and I was much too shy even too approach a girl with out becomeing a total shaking mess.
My life from then (1984 or so) till 1998 was much the same ,I went too work ,I came home too mum ,I very rarely went out ,apart from going clay target shooting ,then at the end of 1997 I decided too get on the net ...in feb 1998 i started talking to a woman online ...to cut a long story short ...we met ...and had sex (in august 1998 up till then i was still a virgin ),Im March 1999 it ended in tears ..I was devasted ....due to the fact that I was on Nardil at the time for social phobia and depression I went out and met a girl who lives nearby (Im still seeing her )
The thing is that I still live at home with Mum and she is getting old and her health is declineing ...Im very scared of what it will be like when she dies as I have no self confidence in being able too fend for myself (pathetic i know but thats how I feel) .
I feel like im wasting my life. I know I have too get my shit togeather so to speak ,but I dont know where to start ...(Im not very good and dealing with people in general ) help !!


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