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Posted by Kathrin
on November 30, 2000 at 03:22:09:
In Reply to: depression posted by heather on November 29, 2000 at 20:25:42:
I am very glad you posted on the board, you obviously need some outlet for your feelings. How long have you felt so depressed that you have thought about ending your life, like you have nothing to live for?
You know, I believe very strongly that we all have a special purpose in this world. There was a time when I had lost sight of mine, and I felt so very depressed... it went on for a long time, i was like 18, 19, 20 or so... I felt I was not really alive anymore, wondered where my life, my dreams, my enthusiasm had gone... I felt so numb, so lifeless, so STUCK... like there was no way out and it would go on like this and I might never feel happy and free again...
And now? I am almost 26 now, and I made real my dream of studying in San Francisco (I am from Switzerland, Europe), i fought for it and got a scholarship, holding on to a new dream gave my life new meaning, and all this started at age 201/2 and I did feel happy again... yes in the summer of 95, after 2 years or so of feeling numb and lifeless a lot of the time, i was running down the street singing with joy because I felt ALIVE again...
And I am still here now and I do stuff like help the homeless and those who have lost hope, I really want to give people hope because I KNOW what it feels like to think, this will never end, and I have felt it, but it DID end.... I also write my own music and poetry, perform with my guitar... a great outlet for the many things I feel...
I think it is very sad that you have been raped by your step-father...and you haven't told anybody about it except your Mom, and she doesn't really believe you? Unfortunatley this is very typical... do you see a therapist? Are you in any kind of treatment for your depression?
Please Heather do not give up. There is ALWAYS hope. Please keep posting here, talk to us. Look, depression can really distort your feelings and make everything seem bleak and hopeless. Depression can be life-threatening because of the danger of suicide. And still, being suicidal is a symptom of this illness, depression, and please always keep that in mind, those hopeless feelings are caused by your depression! But they CAN be dangerous. But they can also be treated.
If you are suicidal, please call 911 (if you are in the US, otherwise your emergency number), or a crisis line (like in the US, 1-800-SUICIDE or 1-800-999-9999) or a local one. Also look at the websites http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/ and http://www.1000deaths.com
Always know that what you really need is ways to cope with your situation, ways to stop the pain.. and you do NOT have to end your life to stop the pain. Please have numbers ready that you can call immediately if you are going through a crisis. And always, always give yourself some distance to anything that might happen, by telling yourself to wait at least a week and then re-evaluate the situation...
I think it is great that you love your Mom. I have a very good relationship with my Mom too (with both my parents, really).
What your step-father did to you is very sad. I want to share something with you that I read in a book and that really touched me. It went something like, if somebody did soemthing to you that hurt and traumatized you, like raped you, or abused you in any other way... you should not give them the ultimate victory by letting it destroy your life. You have done nothing wrong! You have deserved to have a good life! You should live and show "the world" that you are right and what happened to you was wrong, but that you live nevertheless and that you will NOT let it destroy you, because you personally, have done nothing wrong, and you have deserved happiness, and you will be alive!
You can email me if you want to or post again