| Message |
I posted here that I felt a spinal tap was someting I feared, but I had it, and it was a real
breeze. No post-tap headache -- just a bit of one, actually, from being smashed on
my face for 2 hours (which went by like 10 minutes, since I was on Lorazepam) The doc gave
me a coke and told me to alternate caffeine and tons of water and bed rest for a day, and
I felt actually VERY good. Felt guilty being off work to lie down. :)
Tests came back after cultures (I guess) in 10 days. According to the nurse, the tests
were positive for MS, she didn't explain it more, I have an appt with the neuro on the 28th. I will
admit that I sort of knew I must have it, given that in 6 years, I have had 1) Trigeminal Neuralgia,
2) a weird electric shock down my spine when I bend my neck, 3) almost total intolerance
to heat, meaning I fall after a hot bath, and the Texas 100 degrees cause me to just call in sick, and
4) various twitches and spasms, and finally --5) Optic Neuritis. (never mind the mental confusion and
equilibrium problems)
But I'd been told over and over, after MRIs that it was NOTHING, so I really dreaded a spinal
tap, and negative results from that. Actually, I'm still not sure I heard them correctly -- even
though I feel like an electric current is surging through my body, I keep thinking this can't
be true. But I was an athlete, very attuned to minor things in my body, even, and something
FEELS wrong. Cold weather delights me, but I still can't exercise in the cold too much, as
I also have Fibromyalgia, and cold is like getting hit with a paralyzing gun. :)
So, I'm not sure what the doc will say. I find that people around me are very nonchalant
about the news, though. My supervisor acted like it was hangnail, and I haven't told my
main boss yet, although I believe someone else told him. I work for a state university and
only am just starting my 20 th year, have NO savings, NO other income, NO longterm
disability insurance. I am terrified about how I am going to live, should I become unable
to work (and the last 2 years have gotten progressively more difficult) I am single and I
don't know where to turn for help. One friend wants me to sue this place, they have been
so rude about other illnesses, and they grill me every time I have to take more than
my sick/vacation and go on Leave Without Pay. They just go into orbit, as if I'm taking
off to lie on a beach somewhere, if I take 2 hrs leave to go home and lie in the dark so
my "buzzing" head will calm down.
I guess I am just venting, but I thought a diagnosis, at least to my friends, would make
them understand. ONE has been understanding. One person actually sort of laugh-snorted
and said "who the hell told you THAT!" and another said "says who?" when I told them.
Absolutely NO empathy. Not that I want to be fawned over, but I hoped it would help
them understand my limitations. I guess I have been so good at holing up and hiding the
problems that no one knows how I have been suffering from so many things, and how
many bruises I have from falling, and how I have to take Valium to calm down my buzzing
so I can think straight.
I fear what's next, I am appalled by the reaction, and I've never felt so all alone and needy.
nancy
| Follow Ups |
| Post a Followup |