Re: If I Died, I'd Feel Better
Re: If I Died, I'd Feel Better
[ Back to Messages
Posted by John
on January 12, 2000 at 23:34:52:
In Reply to: Re: If I Died, I'd Feel Better posted by Trish on January 12, 2000 at 12:20:52:
: I know precisely what you are talking about. At the ripe old age of 40 I live in constant pain. I initially injured my back when I was a 22 year old very physically active nurse. Since then it has been a downhill spiral of repeatedly re-injuring and increasing pain. I too have done all the physio, chiropractic, magnetic, massage, accupuncture......you name it, we've probably tried it. This last bout that I am currently having is so severe that I often am trying to muddle through my day on one hour of sleep.....simply impossible as a single parent of 3 kids, the oldest 11.
: As the other John said, it is almost not possible to not be depressed, and I have been on antidepressant meds for years, however there comes a point when you just want to quit and give up even with a more stable mood......there is a point when nobody can tolerate living (?) like this anymore.
: I feel so blessed, as I have just started seeing a doctor at a pain clinic this week, and I actually feel hope now. She was so open about the medication options, didn't try to tell me I just needed to exercise more, or look at me with a jaundiced eye as if I have no larger purpose in life than to try to obtain another prescription for T3's which don't touch the pain anyway. I may be able to start on Methadone in a couple weeks which she uses alot for chronic pain and says I won't feel "high" or sedated.....just much more like a "normal" person. She has offered me hope for the first time in many many years and even that hope makes the pain just a titch more easy to bear for now. Unfortunately the recognition of the reality of chronic pain, and the treatment of it is still in it's infancy, and not accessable for many. I will hold a good thought for you and keep you in my prayers that you can find a physician who recognizes and treats your pain. It can be devestating to your life and was a large contributor to my divorce......who wants to live with a person who can't do many things because of their pain? Do you have any type of insurance coverage or anything that could offer you treatment on the mainland if you are unable to find it there? I surely hope so.
: I would be perfectly honest with your Dr., and say to him the things that you have said here. Perhaps a psychiatrist could help you with your feelings of loss and anger, and even perhaps initiate some sort of pain therapy for you.......I certainly hope so.
Mahalo for your support. I was up till 2:30 this morning just reading all of the things people said about what they are going through. Yes, there are a lot of people out there with a lot more serious problems than I (and for a lot longer). Its just good to know that I am not alone in this. My wife and friends just dont seem to understand. Its almost shameful to admit that there is a problem. Correct that, it is shameful to admit that I hurt. Because of my race and background, I have always been looked at as a warrior type of person. Maybe that is why it is so hard to even seek help.
I called a pain clinic today but they needed me to be refered to them. The problem is that I just started a new job and I havent qualified for their insurance plan yet (1 month) so, I guess I just have to sit and wait.
I do want to thank you. Your letter was greatly appreciated. I truly know that I am not alone in this. That helps a lot.
Mahalo nui loa,