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Posted by Deborah on September 26, 2000 at 00:54:32:

Tomorrow morning I am going to Duke university to their Pain Clinic... Hopefully they will do my first nerve block. I'm kind of scared! I want to get better though! I guess I'd better introduce myself, that might be a better way to start...

My name is Deborah. I am 19 and I go to college full-time and I work part time in retail. This summer I went on vacation- a week in Disney World- that resulted in a stress fracture in my right foot. No big deal, right?

Well, the pain got worse. And worse. I'm sure you all understand. Swelling and bruising followed and still are there. The pain started around my "big toe" and had spread up into my foot also. I wore a cast for 6 weeks and the pain continued with no relief. After removing the cast I went for a bone scan which showed that something was wrong. After removal of the cast I noticed that my ankle was increasingly in pain, but I had written it off to a side effect of the cast. The bone scan showed that the ankle pain wasn't just stiffness.

I finally got an appointment with a specialist. He referred me to the pain clinic and from there I should hopefully get some treatment.

This is making my life SO hard. School is so horrible because I am just in so much PAIN all the time. And I go to a BIG school! After school I am expected to be on my feet nonstop for work. I LOVE my job and I don't want to quit! And I have SO many BILLS! Our health insurance is changing Nov. 1, also, so I don't know what to do!

And nobody understands! Well, other students and the people at work don't. I haven't even told my boyfriend I have the disorder. He is so crappy about illness and stuff. When I first got the cast on my foot and everyone believed I had a fracture, he still was parking at the back of the parking lot and walking fast, etc. I don't know what to do! Everything is so HARD now! I'm just scared.

What do you do about work and school? How do you get the pain to stop? The other day at work my foot was so swollen that it just began to bruise and turn purple before my eyes. I was whimpering with pain and my toe began bleeding out of nowhere; it was like the blood had nowhere else to go. I feel like everyone else is talking about me or thinking I want attention. I don't, I just want to go back to normal! It's like my leg has taken over a *painful and mean* mind of its own.

Does the pain keep spreading?! Lately it has begun to shoot like a knife halfway up my shin. I can't sleep anymore; when I try to relax a tingling feeling fills my leg from ankle to thigh. I feel so pathetic and helpless and I feel like I have to act like I'm fine or I will make people mad. It's hard because its like I have to fake how I feel all the time. I dont want anyone to know I'm in pain because who wants to be around someone who is in pain all the time? I'm tired of hiding it though!

And how do you explain it? I want people to understand that I don't want anything to be any different, I'm not going to be less fun or whine... I just may not like to walk super fast all the time and things like that. I don't want to lose my friends; I already feel like I am at work.

I don't know what else to say, but I just wanted to get "started" on this board. I hope I can find some tips on here.

Thank you for listening! Feel free to email me if you have any extra time. Thank you so much.


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