Re: My precious baby
Re: My precious baby
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Posted by CHRISTINA
on November 01, 1999 at 13:35:26:
In Reply to: My precious baby posted by Tammy on October 26, 1999 at 09:53:06:
: I don't know if I would qualify that my baby was SID, but do not know where else to post. I had a beautiful little girl named Kali' born July 21, 1995. She passed away on Aug 2, 1995. The pain is still so deep in my heart.
: One evening on Aug 2, my husband had come home from work to releave me so I could get some sleep. I went to sleep and later that evening I heard a voice sceaming my name. I jumped out of bed to ran down the hall to see my husband holding my baby. He was yelling I killed our baby. He had dailed 911 on the phone and I grabbed Kali' and tried to do CPR on her. The calmness that came over me during that moment I cannot explain. I knew I had a job to do and there was know time to lose it. The ambulance and police came to work on Kali'. They made my family and I go outside. The police followed us and would not let us leave there sight.My husband was losing it. He kept screaming I KILLED OUR BABY. I cannot get that out of my head. My husband had fell asleep with Kali'in his arms and he rolled over on her. I have been the strong one through this, because if I break up and I know the guilt that lays on him.But it is so hard. I have to be strong for my husband and my 2 other children. But sometimes I think, when am I ever going to be able to deal with this. My heart cries for Kali'. I still live with the brick wall around me to protect me from the pain all the time.
: When people came to visit and pay there condolences, I was sort of put to the side. Like my pain was less than my husbands. I never to this day understood this. They would say, I know you are having a hard time but Drew really needs to get into counceling. They set up a appointment for him and was going to take him and leave me home. That angried me. I carried Kali' in my stomach for 9 months and bonded with her.
: I have heard this is a silent issue that has to be dealt with. So many parents lay with there children when they are falling asleep. I have learned the hard way that you cannot do that.
: Thank You for letting me talk.
YOU KNOW I CAN'T HELP BUT FEEL THE SAME WAY AS YOUR HUSBAND WHEN MY AREIAL DIED. SHE WAS ONLY TWO MONTHS OLD WHEN S.I.D.S TOOK HER AWAY. I THOUGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING
I HAD EVER DONE RIGHT DOWN TO WEATHER OR NOT I HAD ON TOO MUCH PERFUME AROUND HER OR DID I SIMPLY SCRAPE UP AGAINST HER WITH MY NAIL. I HAD EVEN THOUGHT BY THIS
BEING MY FIRST CHILD THAT I WOULD NEVER DREAM OF HAVING ANOTHER WHICH I STILL STAND BEHIND. IT WAS HARD FOR ME BECAUSE OF THE FACT THAT SHE WAS THAT SHE WAS RIGHT
THERE SMILING AT ME, LOOKING ALL AROUND AND SIMPLY
DOING THE THINGS THAT BABIES DO JUST HOURS BEFORE I CAME BACK TO HER AND DISCOVERED THAT MY WORLD WAS OVER. I AM CARRING A CHILD NOW THOUGH AND I'M NOT SURE WEATHER
OR NOT I'LL KEEP HIM OR HER BUT THE FATHER WOULDN'T EVEN THINK OF ABORTING THE BABY. ITS JUST THE FACT OF SOMETHING SO SWEET AND PURE STEALING MY HEART AWAY
AND THEN PASSING ON I DON'T THINK I COULD EVER BE STRONG DEALING THAT PAIN AGAIN. NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THANKYOU FOR YOUR THOUGHTS TAMMY
I HOPE YOU ALL FIND THE STRENGTH WITHIN
YOURSELVES TO GO ON AND KNOW THAT THERE
IS ALOT OF US OUT HERE AND YOUR NOT ALONE.
- Re: My precious baby May God be with you. We lost our precious bay daughter Sterling when she was 6 weeks and 6 days old. The pain is so intense! Know that you are not alone. Our marriages are really being put to the test. Go to counseling together, it really helps! 23:41:03 2/28/00
- Re: My precious baby Tammy 09:52:05 11/12/99