Re: My precious baby
Re: My precious baby
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Posted by Tammy
on November 12, 1999 at 09:52:05:
In Reply to: Re: My precious baby posted by CHRISTINA on November 01, 1999 at 13:35:26:
: : I don't know if I would qualify that my baby was SID, but do not know where else to post. I had a beautiful little girl named Kali' born July 21, 1995. She passed away on Aug 2, 1995. The pain is still so deep in my heart.
: : One evening on Aug 2, my husband had come home from work to releave me so I could get some sleep. I went to sleep and later that evening I heard a voice sceaming my name. I jumped out of bed to ran down the hall to see my husband holding my baby. He was yelling I killed our baby. He had dailed 911 on the phone and I grabbed Kali' and tried to do CPR on her. The calmness that came over me during that moment I cannot explain. I knew I had a job to do and there was know time to lose it. The ambulance and police came to work on Kali'. They made my family and I go outside. The police followed us and would not let us leave there sight.My husband was losing it. He kept screaming I KILLED OUR BABY. I cannot get that out of my head. My husband had fell asleep with Kali'in his arms and he rolled over on her. I have been the strong one through this, because if I break up and I know the guilt that lays on him.But it is so hard. I have to be strong for my husband and my 2 other children. But sometimes I think, when am I ever going to be able to deal with this. My heart cries for Kali'. I still live with the brick wall around me to protect me from the pain all the time.
: : When people came to visit and pay there condolences, I was sort of put to the side. Like my pain was less than my husbands. I never to this day understood this. They would say, I know you are having a hard time but Drew really needs to get into counceling. They set up a appointment for him and was going to take him and leave me home. That angried me. I carried Kali' in my stomach for 9 months and bonded with her.
: : I have heard this is a silent issue that has to be dealt with. So many parents lay with there children when they are falling asleep. I have learned the hard way that you cannot do that.
: : Thank You for letting me talk.
: : Tammy
: YOU KNOW I CAN'T HELP BUT FEEL THE SAME WAY AS YOUR HUSBAND WHEN MY AREIAL DIED. SHE WAS ONLY TWO MONTHS OLD WHEN S.I.D.S TOOK HER AWAY. I THOUGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING
: I HAD EVER DONE RIGHT DOWN TO WEATHER OR NOT I HAD ON TOO MUCH PERFUME AROUND HER OR DID I SIMPLY SCRAPE UP AGAINST HER WITH MY NAIL. I HAD EVEN THOUGHT BY THIS
: BEING MY FIRST CHILD THAT I WOULD NEVER DREAM OF HAVING ANOTHER WHICH I STILL STAND BEHIND. IT WAS HARD FOR ME BECAUSE OF THE FACT THAT SHE WAS THAT SHE WAS RIGHT
: THERE SMILING AT ME, LOOKING ALL AROUND AND SIMPLY
: DOING THE THINGS THAT BABIES DO JUST HOURS BEFORE I CAME BACK TO HER AND DISCOVERED THAT MY WORLD WAS OVER. I AM CARRING A CHILD NOW THOUGH AND I'M NOT SURE WEATHER
: OR NOT I'LL KEEP HIM OR HER BUT THE FATHER WOULDN'T EVEN THINK OF ABORTING THE BABY. ITS JUST THE FACT OF SOMETHING SO SWEET AND PURE STEALING MY HEART AWAY
: AND THEN PASSING ON I DON'T THINK I COULD EVER BE STRONG DEALING THAT PAIN AGAIN. NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!
: THANKYOU FOR YOUR THOUGHTS TAMMY
: I HOPE YOU ALL FIND THE STRENGTH WITHIN
: YOURSELVES TO GO ON AND KNOW THAT THERE
: IS ALOT OF US OUT HERE AND YOUR NOT ALONE.
Thanks for your response and I understand that I am not alone. It just hurts so much.I could never have the courage to have another child. If you EVER need to talk write me at OhSt8Fan1@aol.com.