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Anxiety, Depression and Social Phobia

Anxiety, Depression and Social Phobia

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Posted by SID on September 12, 2000 at 01:43:51:

right now i feel like a complete mess
my lady just left me just because i have anxiety
she left at the time when i need her the most to stick by me & be there for me when im having a panic attack or a horrifying Acid flashback
i suffer from severe mental depression & social phobia
my jaw clinches as tight as it can go about every 2 minutes i remember having that feeling when i was 12 my brother gave me some LSD and it was the same feeling in my jaw
i cant leave the house at all now
i cant even go to the store to get cigarettes & if i go out i cant look anybody in the eyes & im always watching my back as if someone would drive up and shoot me
i dont know if its becauase i was shot at & seen my best friend get shot when i was 12
or if its just anxiety or a chemical imbalence in my body
im a verry good hearted person & like to make other people happy since i cant make myself happy
but when i snap its like im blacking out & going crazy & extremly violent i inflick pain on myself when it gets that bad
ive tryed medication like Zoloft that made me go so crazy i almost had to go to a mental ward
after my lady left me my friend gave me some of his moms pills called Ativan but those were weak
I need something to knock me out & make me not think at all because i cant take there horrifying thoughts anymore
and after my lady left the last of what little self esteem i had left was gone
i sliced my arms open to get my mind off of it because everything i do makes me think of her I guess thats why they call it Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
you name it i got it all
yes thats me im a mess
no reason to live so whats the point?
ive lost everything from my job my car & my lady & even lost my mind
im so sick of these kids on teh street talking like there so hard saying there crazy They dont know what crazy is Atleast they never been spoon fed in a streight jacket pal
i garantee if anybody could step inside my brain for one minutes they would be crying to go back because nobody wants to have the thoughts that i have
Ever had 1000 thoughts go through your mind all at once while your trying to sleeP? Not fun.
so all you people that feel like me good luck but i cant take it anymore
im ready to walk right out of this world

Thanks for letting me post how i feel
Sid.


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