Re: ERIC you still here?? YES im still alive ...well i dont feel alive but im alive if you know what i mean

In Reply to: ERIC you still here?? posted by Kathrin on September 15, 2000 at 17:51:23:

YES im still here thank god
lastnight i took a little too many Pills & was afraid to go to sleep but i woke up this morning
wondering if these pills even help me or not because i still have those jittery/butterfly feelings in my stomach
does anybody know what are the side effects of Klonopin & how many i should take per day because i got these pills off the street and i know verry little about them
ive never trusted doctors ive always looked at doctors as scam artist & money hungry pigs
i trust strangers on the internet more than i trust doctors because they will give you any old pill & wont care what happens as long as there gettin payed
also does anybody have an obsession of dwelling on the past alot?
because i cant seem to let the past go
it haunts me day and night
i use to have a good life in the 80's i had friends Rock n Roll and nothing to worry about & i cant seem to adapt to this new generation
my mind wonders so much i cant target exactly where my anxiety is comming from it almost feels like im losing my mind
and the only people i feel comfortable with is the guys i grew up with & went to the same private boys mental schools together
i was in schools for severly emotionaly disturbed kids
because i was hyper as a child and i was fed all sorts of medications
i thinks thats where my drug dependancy came from
my panic attacks are so bad that i get to where im layng down craying for no reason & i cant get my mind together
thats why i want some strong drugs to make me sleep through all this because i dont wanna feel like this & i dont want other people to see me like this i cant even look my parents in the eyes
i run in the kichen grab a soda and run back to my room like im totally paranoid
the way i see my self is a weak person with a drug dependancy that awlways thinks negative & is ready for something negative to happen to me at all times
another thing that scares me is when i talk to people im not really listening & when i look at them its like im looking through them im like toatally spacing out
its to depressing to even try to have fun
all i want is sleep thats all i ask
and to not worry anymore would be nice to
but its hard GOD its so hard
woah im rambling again sorry
anyways thanks for checkin up on me
stay cool

P.s this bord is a great idea whoever's idea this was is a genius it helps people like us to open up to eachother instead of talking to some poser that pretends like they know whats goin on

thanks and best wishes to everybody thats struggling.
Eric

• klonopin etc Kathrin 03:22:31 9/16/00 (0)