posted 01-27-2003 09:59 AM            

I hope somebody has a suggestion for my boyfriend and myself.

My boyfriend is 37. He partly lost his voice four years ago for no apparent reason. He has had a bout of other psychosomatic diseases (psoriasis, stomach cramps with no physical cause)when he was a teenager. He went to a specialized doctor who told him there were no physical explanation for his condition, no medical treatment.

We know it is psychosomatic because when a stressful event happens, his voice is even more bad. Amusingly, when he is relaxed and has an orgasm, his voice is better. But it never come close to the wonderfully sexy voice he had before.

He feels handicapped. Nobody will hire him if a portion of his job is to speak over the phone or in front of people. He cannot order from his car if he goes to McDonald as the cashier will not hear him. It sounds like he has perpetual cold.

It seems traditional medicine can do nothing for my boyfriend. We don't know where to look for, now.

Do you have any suggestions? A testimonial or your own recovery with a similar problem?

Thank you,

posted 01-27-2003 10:18 AM            

If you have explored all of the medical reasons for his loss of voice, perhaps you could look at the psychological aspects for answers.

I have a sense losing one's voice is directly related to fear of making choices, lack of will power, and very low self esteem. I believe in a Mind/Body connection and its interesting how you mention psychosomatic and skip over the reason why this is so.

I realize you might reject this posting, but there is always a chance that you agree and your boyfriend might benefit in many ways by looking at the events in his life and explore his loss from a different viewpoint.

A quick observation might be how you use the word 'we'. Does he use you to find the solutions or to motivate him? Maybe he needs to realize where his personal power is and how to use it. Just a suggestion, as always its just one additional opinion.

posted 01-27-2003 11:12 AM            

I also agree with Wil in the assessment of what throat problems may quite often mean. I believe that when someone feels like they're in a position where they've lost control, when they're "afraid to speak their mind," when they feel trapped or like they cannot breathe, when they feel choked off emotionally,.... think of the expressions that come to mind that we often use when complaining about our lives, and then associate them with physical symptoms and you will be astonished at the similarities.

We can't stomach a problem, someone in our life is a pain in our neck ("pinched neck"), a relationship can suffocate us (asthma), your creativity may feel constipated, you can be angry and inflamed (psoriasis, arthritis)...

You've both already agreed to the cause and seem quite accepting of it, so if you continue to move in that direction you have some courses of action,...

I sincerely doubt a potential employer would not hire him for having a creaky voice,... if that's indeed the case, try to apply for jobs that do not include cold calling, and are more apt to involve face to face contact --- this can be more reassuring and safe compared to calling people cold,...

He can also try guided visualization and work with a therapist perhaps with biofeedback. Obviously he's experienced relief and comfort and knows there's an association, so that's a plus. Now he just needs to learn to harness that control and comfort.

Guided imagery where he concentrates on opening up his throat area can be helpful.

He can join a Toastmasters club, which I'd highly recommend! This is an informal gathering where people are taught to public speak. That means they're taught how to deal with the fears, problems, anxiety, etc., that occur. If his voice loss is related to a type of anxiety, he'll be able to work with that in a safe setting designed to teach him to speak.

Another thing is he can take singing lessons, or private voice lessons. This is not as potentially embarassing as any type of group setting.... and voice coaches are not just for rock stars. Public speakers use them all the time. I've used them in the past just for (a) the heck of it to learn to sing, because I cannot carry a tune to save my life, and (b) to improve my speaking voice (I hate being in public, hate public speaking, get nervous very easily, and my throat constricts and totally gives me away so I cannot pull off the cool, confident image to save my life if I'm not actually FEELING cool and confident).

It works!

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Life isn't what happens to you -- it's how you react to it!