posted 05-13-2003 08:38 PM            

Now adding to the story of my "soap opera" life, this January, I found out I had Brugada syndrome, which meant I needed surgery. Brugada is a heart signal disorder that can cause sudden unexpected cardiac arrest-my father died in his sleep this way when he was 48. My heart itself is in perfect condition, but my EKG reads funky because of this signal problem. This meant that I needed an ICD-defibrillator. I had the surgery in April, and was given various pain meds, Tylenol 3, some Kadian which was meant for my ruptured disc but the doctor said I could use for the surgery, and ultram. Believe it or not, I took less than the doctor told me I could. I took them as prescribed. I was totally off of them for a couple days, but 2 weeks ago I was taken to the emergency room for a broken rib. We are not sure what caused the break, but it is most likely from the surgery. I went to v-fib on the operating table and was shocked with 320 volts, so that probably was the culprit.

I am now tapering trying to avoid the terrible depression I get when quitting opiates CT. I also started working out 20 minutes at a time 5 xs a week. That started last week. Outside of my addiction I am physically in better condition than I should be, but that will not last if I do not quit. My heart cath. showed a very clean heart, I have excellent blood pressure and cholesterol. I am 5'11" and weigh 175, so by the grace of God, or luck of the Irish, LOL...my body has faired better than it should have. All kidding aside, I have been fortunate enough to still be alive after years on opiates. Today I went 14 hours without anything, but I started to feel some withdrawal, so I took 2 ultrams. I am at 2 ultrams 2 times a day. I have only taken 2 Kadians in 1 week. I have been here for 7 days. If I don't take the ultram, I am sure I will get depressed. I will try to stay at this schedule for a few more days, and then taper down more. If anyone has ideas about tapering, please let me know. I am trying to stay away from the true opiates because from my experience, when I try to quit them, it seems a bit more difficult.

Is there any addict who can give me some hope or advice about the chemical imbalance created in my brain by the opiates? Will my brain ever produce dopamine in sufficient levels to make me feel happy? I was never depressed before I experienced opiate withdrawal. I tried paxil this summer per advice of my doctor when I was off all pain meds, but it did not really help that much. Does anybody know from his or her own experience, when I might feel somewhat normal again? Not to mention my sex drive, that is bad now, mostly from the ultram. If you have an idea when that might ever be normal again, let me know. Sorry to ask so many questions, but I really need help from any person who is able. I understand that everyone is different with respect to recovery, but your experience will help me a great deal. Thanks so much to all!! If you want you can email me at jim.brian@excite.com