Junior Member

Posts: 17
From:BC, Canada
Registered: Aug 2001

posted 09-01-2001 11:28 PM            

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After a two-day binge, I did it again today. In the past couple of days, however, I was able to throw up, even though it was becoming more and more difficult. Yesterday, I went out and bought Ipecac, promising myself that I would never pig out on food and then make myself sick. Little did I know that the monster was gonna make do it again, and only a day after! I think I've gained so much weight in the past few days and am too scared to go out, too depressed to exercise, and too freaked out that I couldn't throw up after today's binge (I had four little flavored fat free yogurts, about two cups of raw oatmeal with milk and sugar and two cups of frozen corn). Has this happened to anyone else? I remember talking to a lady who said that she cured her bulimia after she stopped purging and then eventually binging. But this has happened to me before and I was never able to control the binges and the weight just crept up. I'm so scared, so alone, and so very devastated. I see no light. Please, please, any input that you guys have that makes sense will be greatly appreciated.

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Senior Veteran

Posts: 597
From:Cloud 9!:)
Registered: May 2001

posted 09-02-2001 06:40 AM            

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sweetie....I think u need a big <<<<HUG>>>> first. I think you deserve more replies than this but..people will get round to you don't worry. I used to binge/purge all of the time. I stopped when the nurse threatened to tell my Mam but I still get the urge to do it but am too scared.

Maybe you couldn't purge because your food had already digested (it only takes 15 minutes for it to start). That could be one reason. Were you nervous for some reason??? I used to find that when I was I just couldn't do it.
when my Dad was involved in an accident (just injured0thankfully his car saved him)....I couldn't stop eating...I thought 'Just one more thing' and I cried my eyes out after coz I was so out of control so I understand what you are going through.

To be honest, what you ate wasn't that much but I always think I have had too much when people probably think the opposite. I recommend shopping. It got me out of the house and it burns some kcals walking (and spendin' of course . No, serously...it does work.

If you ever wanna talk...I am always here.

Take care sweetieXXXXXXXXXX

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Senior Member

Posts: 114
From:
Registered: Jun 2001

posted 09-02-2001 09:48 AM            

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Trustn,
I don't know a lot about b/p. I've only done that a few times and it seemed to occur at extremely stressful times or when my life felt out of control. Has something happened to cause you stress? Are you being criticized, judged or demanded of more than ususal? Maybe you should reflect back and think about what happened to trigger this and start from there. Caroline is right. What you ate was not bad for you. OK, so you had a bad moment. We all have them. Let it go and move forward. Don't look back. What's done is done and you can't change it. There is no need to cause yourself added pain by dwelling on it. I think you should get out and take a walk. It might make you feel better. If you feel so uncomfortable in the public eye, maybe you can walk in the evening hours. Just make sure you are safe if you choose to walk after dark. There are lots of freaks out there if you know what I mean!
xoxo,
Bee Bee

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Veteran

Posts: 321
From:Colorado
Registered: Aug 2001

posted 09-02-2001 10:19 AM            

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Trustn, I know exactly how you feel. I eat lots more than you when i binge, but it is still the same. I ate more than 1 carton of ice cream, some peanut butter, half a bag of pretzels, and 1/2 loaf of bread yesterday and threw up twice. I cannot seem to control myself when all that I really want to do is to eat. When I really wanted to binge the other day I made a list of reasons to and reasons not to and that helped me to avoid it. Something else that helps me is to think about how good I will feel lying in bed tonight if I don't b/p and waste another day. Also, I have tried ipecac and it is miserable. I was sick and felt like s#$t for the next 24 hours. Only after all the food is gone youstill get dry heaves for hours and it is so painful that I decided afterwards that I would rather just gain the weight the next time and never try that gross nasty stuff again. It smells like brown sugar and I still can't stand to have a bag or brown sugar around where I have to smell it because it makes me miserable.

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Junior Member

Posts: 17
From:BC, Canada
Registered: Aug 2001

posted 09-02-2001 07:52 PM            

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Well, you guys are all right about yesterday's binge not being so huge or unhealthy for me. However, the previous two days, the binges had been on a lot of junk food, just like yours, Cloudy. I usually plan on fasting after binging (even if I do purge), so when I get too hungry and eat something little, I feel like I've failed and then I just blow the rest of my day. I think that's what may have triggered it yesterday. But I was so scared for the rest of the night and I thanked God I hadn't eaten anything more fattening, 'cause I would've gone insane. I managed to numb myself afterwards, but I kept waking up every half an hour during the night thinking about what I had done. You're so right about trying to remember what a great feeling it is to go to bed knowing you haven't binged or purged. I haven't done it today and am trying to stay focused on fasting on raw fruit/vegetables and going through with my exercises. It's amazing how much less likely to binge I am when I work out, although it's sometimes the hardest thing to force myself to do. I also don't like being obsessed with it (whether it be a few floor exercises or heavy cardio) to the point where I can't start my day or get out of the house if I don't do them. I just want to be like normal people...

Thank you so much, guys, for replying to my neurotic yesterday's post. I'm really glad I've discovered this board and feel relieved to share my experience and read of others' with people who understand. My heart goes out to all of you and I desperately want to be of assistance to everyone and often feel so pathetic and selfish for whining about help for my own messed up self. Please, try to understand. Thanks again.

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Junior Member

Posts: 16
From:St. Louis, Missouri, U.S.A.
Registered: Sep 2001

posted 09-08-2001 04:09 PM            

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I have anorexia, and no-matter how far I shove my fingers down my throat, I CAN'T THROWUP! So I must starve myself to keep the weight off. I wish I could make myself purge, and I know how horrible that sounds... I'm just feeling really insecure right now....

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