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Viona03 Senior Member  Posts: 79 |
posted 04-11-2003 03:33 PM
  
How can you deal your obsession for someone who is not worthy? Have you ever had this feeling when you love this person so much but again hate him for the way he treats you? I need some insight in getting over this feeling (this person out of my mind and life) ..... Please give me some suggestions... [This message has been edited by Viona03 (edited 04-11-2003).] IP: Logged |
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sherrie Senior Member Posts: 117 |
posted 04-11-2003 06:17 PM
Hi Viona, I read your previous post and at first I thought I wrote it and forgot about it... I think we are leading the same lives. I am going thru the exact same thing with a guy that I feel comfort with, security, love(I am not sure in the way it should be), but no physical attraction on my part. I have known him for three years.. during that time I also had guy#2 who I was completely attracted to but I knew that he was a player and he would not call me for weeks at a time after we had been physical... I also feel that I am obsessed over the second guy... Not that he treats me bad becuase we don't have a "relationship", but he neglets me and I know he has other women. He is a good guy though.. I have known him as friends from my past, he may not be into me as much as I am into him or just denying his feelings for me, don't know. I feel like I love him at times and times I hate him. The first guy treats me so well, but what scares me is if I marry him and miss the sexual fun.. and just spend my whole life thinking about guy#2. Don't know if I could be one of those women who marries for comfort, security and not sex. I guess any suggestions would be nice too. Weird huh? I guess its nice to know that I am not the only one with such a dilema. Funny thing is I am 29 as well. IP: Logged |
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Sapphire926 Senior Member Posts: 77 |
posted 04-12-2003 10:22 AM
29 years old here too!! Oh boy, and you guys sound like you're living my life!! Im not obsessed with my hubby, but am afraid to leave because its what I know, its whats familiar. The relationship has gone down hill for some time now and it scares the crap out of me. Now, with two children and no job, Im afraid to leave just because of the financial fears. How screwed up is that??? I know I need to make a move and I also know that I am strong enough to make it through whatever is coming my way, but Im truly petrified!!! IP: Logged |
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HoosierBj Veteran  Posts: 490 |
posted 04-12-2003 02:48 PM
I fell in love with a man over 30 years ago who was incredibly wrong for me. I still love him.. but I no longer have a relationship with him. What I want to really get through to other people who are going through similar feelings is: You can love someone FOREVER. You do NOT have to live with them, marry them, or damage your self-esteem for them. Loving someone is the biggest gift you can give someone. Choosing to date until you find the best possible person for you is giving yourself the best gift of all. We grow up thinking love is forever, or we should "work it out". Sometimes it's just that you haven't discovered yet that there WILL be someone else down the road who is compatible, caring, giving, etc whom you can also love with all your heart. IP: Logged |
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Viona03 Senior Member Posts: 79 |
posted 04-13-2003 01:06 PM
Wow! Women's heart! What can I say? I must say I am so used to the man in my life, even when we skip the sex part, its still so much other things to do and think about. About guy# 2..he is a good man but some people just have different values. Too curious to be with just one woman. I know I deserve the whole "combo" relationship and can't figure out what is wrong. I do hope for the best. IP: Logged |
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Viona03 Senior Member Posts: 79 |
posted 04-23-2003 11:23 PM
Hi sherrie, I feel like I am a loser. I can't forget that evil guy#2. What should I do? How are things with you? I am back to sadness again. Just wondering how you are coping. IP: Logged |
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Rat_in_a_cage Senior Member Posts: 104 |
posted 04-24-2003 09:24 AM
It can take a few seconds to fall in love with someone and forever to forget them. IP: Logged |
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missychacha Senior Member Posts: 211 |
posted 04-24-2003 10:29 AM
quote: Hi: by your statement "evil guy" it seems that you are aware of the fact that this guy is NOT good for you or to you, ultimately. You CAN forget him, you are just having a hard time with it. Not everything is easy. Perhaps you should consider that the reason you are having such a hard time forgetting him is because what you got from him (good sex and attraction) is very important to you. That speaks volumes to me. It also tells me you need to get guy #1 to either work with you on the sex thing or find another guy that embodies more of what you clearly need. If you deny your needs or pretend that they don't matter so much, they will not go away but continue to nag at you until you do something about them. Do not put other people's needs in front of yours. You can't be good for anyone else, until you are good for yourself. It's totally okay to be selfish in this respect. In doing so, don't be surprised if friends or family balk at your attitude, but that's just because they aren't used to it, or they are envious or it makes them insecure to see you really sticking up for yourself and your needs. Just hang in there and take good care of YOU. IP: Logged |
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badgirl Senior Member Posts: 238 |
posted 04-24-2003 02:25 PM
Viona, This sure sounds like me too. Hoo has good advice. I just came out of a relationship with a guy who I thought was evil and is evil. He tried to possess me body, soul, mind, and spirit. He was trying to ruin me. He wanted me and only me to himself. He tried to strip me of everything I loved and believed in. When they come into your life they have a way of making you obssess them and make you feel everything is your fault and that you are the one with the problems and after a while you start believing it. Before I met him, I was considered a strong person, strong minded, etc. But the man had so many mental problems, I was trying to play God and try to help him so I stayed in a relationship that I was miserable in. Think about your happiness before it is too late. Go out and search for your happiness whether it be a mate or an activity, hobby, job, etc. Right now I am really considering counseling. I kept going back (twice) until this last time and I said no. He was the type man who thought he could do anything in a relationship, lie, cheat, etc. He would play mind games you wouldn't believe. Destroy everything you have of his, don't pick up the phone, no communicating on the computer, etc. Good luck, Badgirl IP: Logged |
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sherrie Senior Member Posts: 117 |
posted 04-24-2003 03:51 PM
Hi viona, You know what... my evil guy#2 just informed me that he is going to be staying a few hundreds of miles away from me... long story but he was there, however there was always the chance of a job over here, he stopped looking now... so I am pretty sad over it.. I basically have to get over him cause there is no other alternative. Anyhow, I think the key to getting over guys that don't want to committ is to find another guy is are passionate towards you but is a committing type of guy. I think forget about guy#1!!!!- it only makes you obsess about guy #2 more- its like a viscious cycle- Anyhow Good Luck!!! [This message has been edited by sherrie (edited 04-25-2003).] IP: Logged |
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Coccinelle Newbie Posts: 2 |
posted 04-25-2003 08:45 PM
Hello, It amases me to read so many stories about obsession when I thought I was the only one with that problem. I went out with someone for almost 9 yrs a while ago and he wasnt a nice guy , he was a good manipulater, good with words , would make you feel like a queen , like your the only person important...but it was all bull****, he lied, cheated on me, used me and even hit me once. After the relationship ended I fell for someone that i had always had a crush on when i was young but never had the chance to go out with him.. he too did the same thing made me feel so special, I couldnt trust him and i knew something was wrong and I was right...One thing I can say to you all always trust your instinct.. Well I am getting to know myself better now and I know that I was attracted to guys that look powerful, that are good looking (the ones you melt when you look at them) that are the bad guys! Because they made me feel like somebody.. its a confidence and self estime issue. I dont think that going out with someone else is the key to forgetting someone that your obsessed with or even to prevent it from happening again because it does. I think it is best to take the time to get to know yourself. To forget someone is difficult and I know it the best thing to do is get rid of everything you have of that person, and do not call or email them, or go near where they work... I am now in a relationship (2yrs and some) and he is an amasing person and he respects me but most of all i respect myself. Coccinelle IP: Logged |
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Viona03 Senior Member Posts: 79 |
posted 04-26-2003 12:41 PM
Thank you all. I am trying to tell my boyfriend that I do feel we don't have normal love relationship. Sex does not exist and i am not sure its how things work for some people. I just don't have enough courage to break everythng off just like that. We love and take care of each other so well in sickness and health and all that. I really do need a break. It will hurt him but he says that he loves me and doesnt want me to be sad. I just come across bunch of losers i guess. As i said, sex does not exist with my boyfriend, i cheated last week with someone else. This is a guy I met and we don't talk about relationship much. He knows I have a boyfriend, but there is a great attraction. I just told him I don't want to see him again. I need to break free. I am very sad. IP: Logged |
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