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 What is a good way to bring up moving out of home with parents?
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blurr Senior Member  Posts: 114 |
posted 07-31-2003 01:23 PM
  
Hello... Perhaps some of you have been following some of my threads. If not, here is my situation. I am planning on moving out with my bf in the next 3 or 4 months. I am working hard this summer to pay off some of my loans from school (I don't owe that much). I have been dating my bf for about 10 months, and as I said before, we are planning on renting together in a few months. Now, my parents are quite...fond of my sister and I living at home. I'm 26 years old. I have already saved quite a bit of money, am budgeting my money and have it worked out so that by October/November, while paying off my loan monthly and handling all of my other finances, I should have a good $4000 saved. I feel like I can afford to start this aspect of my life (moving out with bf), and also have a full-time job come September, so it's not like I'd be scrambling around for money each month. However, my parents have it in their heads that I am going to stay at home until every last penny of my loan is paid off and I have a LOT of money saved. Therefore, they think that I should stay living at home with them until all of this is completed (which would take me at least another year or two to do!) I feel very ready to move back out on my own as I have been on my own for three years, and only temporarily moved back home (although I'm sure my mom thought I would be here for years). How do I break this to them? They are going to be very disappointed with my decision because (a) They are pretty strict and (b) They think I can't afford it right now. I feel that I am 26 years old, am starting my career, am at a point with my bf that would make moving in together desirable, and am good with my money. What is a good strategy for breaking this to them? What should I do or say? Should I take it in steps or break them in all at once. Please help! Moving out at 26 shouldn't be this hard!! blurr [This message has been edited by blurr (edited 07-31-2003).] [This message has been edited by blurr (edited 07-31-2003).] IP: Logged |
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HoosierBj Veteran  Posts: 490 |
posted 07-31-2003 02:36 PM
In the big scheme of things a parents job is to raise their children to be independent. To actually shove them out of the nest if need be so that they will fly on their own. For some reason your parents are trying their best to keep you dependent on them (for safety? for company?). The truth is that once one becomes an adult there is ALways a loan out there. You never get them all paid off! You'll owe on a house, car, student loan, credit card bill, etc. Is it possible that they have a picture of you moving out after you get married? Obviously they couldn't keep you at home if you were a married woman! (O.k. I admit that I'm not a fan of cohabitation unless there is a wedding date & a church reserved, but that's MY opinion and I won't get into that part with ya - Whew!) Technically all you need to do is set a date with your boyfriend for the move and wait to tell your parents until just long enough for them to express their disapproval but short enough for you to be able to put up with it! Legally of course, there is absolutely nothing they can do to keep a grown-up from moving out of the house.. Emotionally, there has to be more to their feelings than just their concerns about your loans.. Any thoughts on that? It might help you help figure out how to help them to deal with you moving out... IP: Logged |
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EddieDean Veteran Posts: 360 |
posted 07-31-2003 05:25 PM
I'm moving in with my boyfriend this summer and am going through the same thing. My mom used to cry all the time and really was making me feel guilty, even though I am moving into a fantastic area, a MUCH better job, and am 24 and have a ton of money saved. I sat down and talked to her a few times about the issue, and made sure she realized that I wasn't trying to get away from her or my father, but needed to move out to feel like an adult. The last two years living at home have been GREAT, but there's something telling me that it's time. Everything has fallen perfectly into place, and she can see how happy and excited I am. After months of sadness and frustration in my house, she's doing MUCH better. I told her I would be coming home at holidays and next summer will be "home" for a few weeks, and for her to view it like I'm going back to college or something. I've spent a ton of time with her this month, and have given her lots of opportunities to be involved with my move. We are all feeling so much better about everything, and it's a wonderful feeling....so my suggestion is to give them time, patience, and love. They may not be thrilled from the get-go, but they need to realize you are 26 and be proud that you are ready to make it on your own! IP: Logged |
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poreoilyme Senior Veteran Posts: 1502 |
posted 07-31-2003 08:12 PM
As a Mom with a single child who will be moving out soon, the best advice I could give you is to make sure they don't feel like you are moving out on them, but instead moving on for you. This is the difference. No one like to feel rejected by the ones they love. It is far easier to feel elated for their successes if it isn't because they feel it's you trying to get away from them. Make them feel loved and secure and they will get used to it a whole lot sooner. It isn't easy suddenly discovering you're no longer needed as much after having someone spend a lifetime depending on you for everything. IP: Logged |
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