posted 10-20-2003 09:04 AM            

What do you all think of married men looking, staring, and gawking at women? AND ... to make matters worse, my husband seems to stare at only YOUNG girls, between the ages of 15-25. He's 55, and I'm 50. This is a second marriage for both of us. We've been married 7 years .. and I AM 40 pounds overweight ... but have Lupus, cfs, fms, and more health issues going on that have contributed to the weight gain, and its' very hard to lose it now.

Wherever we go, whenever we're out somewhere, even at Walmart .. restaurants, whatever ... he'll seem to notice all the young girls ... and many times he'll seem to pick one out .. and look over and over and over, which is very disrespectful to me (I think), and even go out of his way to pretend he's looking at something else, just to get another look.

I admit that there are many reasons this bothers me, one ... I just don't believe that once you've found the women you love ... and have taken vows with, you NEED to continue to stare and gawk at women like he does... to me it says he's still looking .. and isn't really happy with who he has. I'm talking the WAY he does this, not just that he's a man ... and is looking.

Also, I think it bothers me because I've told him many many times that it bothers me the way he looks, and as often as he looks ... when I'd like to feel I'm THERE, and not invisible... and he CONTINUES to do this still.

AND ... there's a history of other things, that I'd rather not discuss yet .. until I see what ya'll have to say on just the part I've shared so far.

One time ... we were parked at a light, and there were people lined up on the streets of our small town to watch a parade ... there was this dark-haired foreign girl (about 24) sitting on the curb. She was thin, and wearing a low-cut blouse ... she WAS very pretty, BUT ... he looked about 10 times as we sat there, and then when we started up, he actually twisted his head to look back several times ... with ME sitting next to him in the car! I think that's VERY rude!

He will deny it of course ... and get VERY angry at me, when I get upset about it, and that even gets me ANGRIER!

Oh, and don't recommend that I do the same thing with men ... I just have not time for games .. I'm 50 years old, and really don't care about other men ... and besides I don't believe in doing that just to make him jealous ... it's not my way.

I do have to say ... there's been problems from day one with this man ... red flags I ignored when we were dating, and we moved way too fast into this relationship, moving in together and marriage. Gosh, you'd think I would have been smarter ... being older!

Sooo .. men? What do YOU think? Women? What do you think?

Can there be TOO much, and done in the wrong way? Do you agree it's disrespectful to the woman you're with?

Looking forward to replies.
Hugs,
Dee

[This message has been edited by dd50 (edited 10-20-2003).]

posted 10-20-2003 10:32 AM            

I also agree that it wouldn't bother me as much if he did it alone ... but it's when he does it so often WITH me that really hurts.

Yeah, that's what I mean ... it seems as though he's looking to find somebody else ... as if he's looking for a mate, when he allready has one!

Dee

posted 10-20-2003 10:36 AM            

"I would confront your husband the next time you catch him staring at another woman. Tell him how it makes you feel. Ask him how he'd feel if you were staring at young good looking men. He may actually think you don't realize what he's doing. Tell him if he wants to stare at other women, at least have the decency to not do it in front of you."

I say:

I've confronted him MANY, MANY times about this, in every way I can think of ... nicely with love, angrily because it pissed me off ... and crying with hurt. I tell you ... this man gets MAD at me ... no matter HOW I tell him! He gets mad because he says I'm imagining it more often than he's REALLY doing it. Sorry, that's just not true! I'm a intelligent mature 50 year old woman .. and I KNOW what I see!

I've asked him how he'd feel if I were doing the same, and he just says "Go for it" ... like he could care less!

I've also told him to do it without me around .... and NOT in front of me ... he just gets MAD again, denying that he's doing what I'm accusing him of. 'sigh'

posted 10-20-2003 10:49 AM            

If it is the general looking, I am going against the tide here, maybe my husband and I are warped but it doesn't bother me too much if he looks at pretty girls, so do I. So do you - people just like to look at pretty things. I notice goodlooking guys, I also notice goodlooking girls, pretty cars, beautiful homes and anything that catches my eye.

We even joke about it, I will say "Look to your left, you are missing a real hottie", he does the same, we joke about it. I don't think he wants to go home with them, I think he does appreciate looking at pretty people, so do I.

I think the real bottom line here is that you don't feel very secure about yourself and what you mean to him. Looking at people doesn't mean he is going to find a prettier woman, pretty or great body is not everything. If he didn't want to be married to you, then he wouldn't. Right now I am middle aged, I look nothing like I did 30 years ago when we started dating, but neither does he!!!!!!! Sometimes I can get feeling a little down about how I look now, but I am much more interesting than I am beautiful and that takes me through the day. I have a lot to offer my husband that has nothing to do with how I look, it is not all my mind either, it is a combination of things that make you feel secure.

If his looking at girls makes you insecure, ask him to refrain. He may not know that it hurts your feelings to the extent that it appears to.

posted 10-20-2003 10:53 AM            

Well .. I guess I wanted to see others opinions on just the 'looking' issue alone ... but yes, there is more ... I just didn't want it to influence you on your response.

This man was 22 in the Navy when he met his first wife, actually his first real girlfriend... this 'girl' was just 14! He started writing to her, and fell in love with her through letters. When I asked him why he would be attracted to a 14 year old girl at the age of 22 .. he said she was nice, and had a really 'cute' figure! Of course she did ... she was 14! Geesh!

Anyway ... when he got out of the Navy, she was 16, they lived together until she was 18, then me married her. He told me it was cool for the first few years, and then she changed .. became very *****y and controlling. He said he fell out of love with her, and started cheating with various women in bars and hookers. He also cheated on her with a waitress she worked with (and her friend), and then came the ultimate sin .. he started having sex with their 16 year old babysitter! And he was 32!! The way I hear it from his ex-wife (who had no reason to lie now, since she's engaged) ... his wife found out when the neighbor called her at work to tell her that her daughter was crying and knocking on her door to come in and use the bathroom ... cause her dad wouldn't let her in ... and the door was locked .. and the babysitter was in there with him. Can you imagine? If that is true ... ugh! Of course, my husband denies that any of that story is true.

He finally left his wife ... and moved in with the sitter for 4 years, helping her raise her baby, which she had had during that year ... with her husband that she married in the meantime. OH BOY! I know .... this is for Jerry Springer!

Soooo.... the sitter finally started cheating on him, and fell in love with another ... she asked him to move out. He went from there ... dating mostly young girls ... and then settled down with a woman more near his age ... but still a 8 year difference... but she was a bartender who was married ... and he was having sex with her when he needed it.

He was finally getting sick of that arrangement, when ENTER ME! I met him through his sister at church. He wasn't attending, but she was ... and I was. I was bored with church activities .... and he was exciting.

He was in the pitcrew for his brother and nephews who raced cars ... and even though it was exciting then, little did I know how much TIME it would take away from me and our marriage. That's another story.

As for the 'girls' in his life .... when I met him, we took his daughter out for her birthday. We went to a bar for dancing ... she was 18. When he danced with her, a slow dance ... I nearly died! He was holding her REALLY close ... and had his head on her chest! He's short.. I give him that ... but still! He was leaning on her like a boyfriend would ... NOT a father!
It was sickening to me ... and I hated the whole time they were dancing! When I danced with him, he didn't even do that with me!

I've since inquired if anything ever happened between them ... and he says absolutely not ... his ex-wife says that there was a time that there was a suspicion, but it was proven false. Hmmm??

Something VERY important here! His dad molested his daughters (my husband's sisters) when they were quite young ... not sure how many daughters (there were 3), and for how long ... but still!!!

My husband said he saw him try to rape her once, and he just yelled at his dad to quit it ... he did, and my husband went back to watching cartoons.

I often wonder ... REALLY believe, that there's a link between his interest in girls ... and his dad's molesting them. His dad also molested other young girls too ... and tried to rape his daughter in law.

The problems we've been having in our marriage .... and that includes the 'looking', seems to be because he can't deal with a mature woman ... but instead needs a young girl that won't talk back .. agree with him ... and in general, be more passive. He's told me when he first met me ... that he avoided older woman his age because he never felt comfortable with them, or equal.

OK .. there you have the MORE information... gosh, probably TOO much ... but I thought it was all important.

Go for it ... let me know what you think NOW.
Hugs,
Dee

posted 10-20-2003 10:56 AM            

I am 21 & if I noticed a 50 or so year old guy starting at me as you described your husband does (gawking), no offence but I would be grossed out! If these girls notice, I am sure they are very uncomfortable. I hate when guys (of any age) do this, if I notice & it doesn't stop & I feel really uncomfortable - I will let him know!!

For example: A few weeks ago I went to the mall with my mother in-law & 2 year old daughter. We were sitting in the food court eating dinner & this guy a few tables down was noticably staring at us. It was so bad that I could seriously feel his eyes watching us!! When we were done, we got up to throw the trash away & leave. As I walked by his table I simply asked, "Didn't your mom ever tell you how rude it is to stare??" He looked a bit embarrassed to say the least, but I think I got my point across!

I don't really know what you can do to make your husband understand how it makes you feel, except for tell him - but it seems you already have!

posted 10-20-2003 11:08 AM            

Well ... it IS much more hurtful when he looks at the young girls ... especially teenagers! And also ... please read my post just above yours .. that will explain ALLOT.

You see ... I DO feel VERY insecure in his love. I may feel yucky about my own weight issue ... but I don't believe that would be anywhere NEAR the issue for me that it is .. if it weren't for his past, and the fact that he does it even though I tell him it bothers me. Ask him to refrain? LOL!! Don't mean to come across as laughting at your suggestion .. but he could care LESS that it bothers me! He gets MAD at me everytime I mention it! I can't even tell my own husband when something is hurting me ... cause he gets mad!

I agree that we all look at pretty things ... but I also see marriage a little different. I believe that a husband and wife need to learn to direct most of their 'love arrows' at their spouse ... and be careful how many they direct at stangers ... it's all a balance, and can get out of control very quickly, if you're not careful.

But that's neither here nor there anyway ... since it's the fact that it's mostly teenagers, he denies it, and he gets angry at me for telling him my true feelings.

As for him being with me, so not to worry that he's looking for somebody else ... well, we've been having loads of trouble lately ... and he tells me he's not in love with me anymore ... and his love for me has changed. Most of that is because he feels that I don't trust him (I wonder why) and that I find fault with him too often ... and incidently, what he means by that ... is ANYTHING that I talk to him about in love ... that is affecting us, or hurting me, or making me feel insecure. He just doesn't seem to be able to handle the REAL stuff in life ... the real issues of marriage and a relationship.

He's forever running to his brother's house when we argue ... and even stays overnight sometimes to avoid an argument (which of course is just 'discussing' a problem. To me he seems like he's never grown up, and needs his family to hide behind.

Just some more information,
Dee

posted 10-20-2003 11:22 AM            

Sadly, he's short ... cute ... and just really fun with 'other' girls ... young girls ... it's like he loves the attention of the teenagers ... and thinks they're so cool! And ... sadly to say.. many teenage girls and young women also think HE'S cute and fun and cool! UGH!

When he went to spend a week-end ALONE with his son and his new girlfriend ... she just loved him, and they went everywhere together .. I mean, he never spent anytime with his son alone ... she was always there. He went to see him because he doesn't see him very often ... he lives in another state ... and yet they never spent ANY time alone.

Also, at his brother's house (where he runs to all the time), there are 2-3 young girls there all the time, which are his nephew's girlfriends... and they're always helping the guys work on the race cars. He loves that they get down and dirty with the cars, and not afraid to work on them ... well, that's mostly because it's so cool and unique right now .... I remember when I was young too ... and everything was so cool ... you're with a race car driver ... working on his car .. you know?

I have a bad back ... and Lupus .. and just can't do what I use to do ... and besides, I'm 50 .. not dead by any means .. just not a teenager anymore. I do NOT go to his brother's house anymore ... one, because the men usually go to the garage ... and his sister-in-law is very rude and unfriendly. No matter HOW many times I've tried to be a friend ... I'm pretty much ignored there. It's all about HER and her family, friends and problems. I don't even think she's EVER asked about my sons! The other BIG reason I don't go there is because of the way they talk ... I mean mostly the nephews and his brother. Crude, rude and downright nasty! They talk VERY vulgar about women ... and it's discusting to me. I'm surprised the girls accept it, but they do. When I've told my husband why I won't go, he just says the more I go ... the more they'll learn that I don't like the language ... NOT TRUE! They could care less who is there ... or what you think! Once, while I was standing right next to my husband .. his nephew took his coffee right out of his hand ... "I" got pissed and told him to show a little more respect for his uncle ... and he said to me, ****, I don't care WHO he is ... the hell with respect!
That's a MILD case!

I know ... the plot thickens .. huh?

What really gets me angry is that NOBODY has EVER held this man responsible for what he's done! He had sex with the 16 year old babysitter, and her mother thought it was 'cute' that she could break up his marriage! He took his family's side over his first wife, and allowed his brother to kick her out of their home ... and did nothing! If only once ... a woman, or shall I say 'girl' would tell him to get his dirty eyes off her ... I'd jump for joy!

Dee

posted 10-20-2003 11:26 AM            

I knew about 1/2 of it .... I found out more as time went by ... by talking to his ex-wife and other family members.

His ex sister-in-law told me that he came onto her, and her daughters!

posted 10-20-2003 11:32 AM            

Please read the new posts I've left .... it will help explain more.

NO ... the 'looking' issue is an issue in itself. The bigger problems are all tied in with the looking and the apparent lack of respect for me ... to continue looking even though he knows it bothers me.

He isn't showing much respect by continueing to go to his brother's house so often either ... or what about while I had the 'flu from hell' about 4 weeks ago, and couldn't even get out of bed ... and he had this 'attitude' because he had to take care of me. He then proceeded to go to the 'final end of season race' with his family ... both Friday night and Saturday night and leave me alone. There was NOBODY else to help and he knew that! He promised to call at 8:00 that night to check on me ... and at 10:00 he still hadn't called! I had to call HIM ... can you imagine how THAT hurt? AND ... when I called, he was sitting right there next to the cell phone!

Dee

posted 10-20-2003 11:42 AM            

If all of your sensors are aroused about his looking and he concentrates on very young women, maybe he has a problem bigger than you expect. From the background you have given us, it sounds like he could have things that even go back to his childhood.

Everyone is going to suggest that he get some counseling, but if I read him right, he doesn't think he needs any, the entire problem is with you. That is what you have to make a decision on - do YOU want to stay with him? Not the other way around.

This is your life and you don't sound very happy with it right now, but you do have the power to change it. Don't worry about being 50 and not having a man, a man that is not what you need is worse than having no man at all. Eyeing girls sounds like one of his minor flaws, the real ones jump out at you. The story about his daughter bothered me, the story about the babysitter bothered me and his attitude toward women in general seems to be slightly out of whack.

Back to my question? Why do you want to stay? Is it the fear of being alone? If you really feel these things about him and think he is capable of acting on some of his impluses, what makes you want to try to salvage the marriage?

posted 10-20-2003 11:44 AM            

Up until a few years ago, If you would have told me that except for a minority of perverts, that there are actually mature men several years out of their teens & older who are actually turned on by teenage girl's bodies (not fully grown yet, 15 and 16 yr olds or younger), I would not have believed you. I guess 'cause my Dad was definitely the marilyn Monroe-Brigitte Bardot type admirer.

Yet I have actually heard adult males get on the radio and talk about how watching the Miss Teenage America televised program was masturbation material for them. How gross is that.

I am not turned on by teenage boys no matter how cute they are -- the idea of having sex with one of them is ridiculous to me (I'm 41). Just programmed in my genes I guess -- it's obvious they are not grown men yet so they don't appeal to me. I would have thought men would be the same way, except for the pervs we all know about. So either your husband is a sick pervert or there are actually a lot of otherwise normal men running around secretly lusting after not-fully grown girls.

My husband has the decency to look at other women (both IRL, online, or in the Playboy type mags) when I AM NOT AROUND. He is not so stupid as to do it in front of me and so I am ok with it -- the proper respect is shown to me.

One day our drunken 50-yr-old neighbor was talking to my husband right in front of me, and some 13 yr old girls in shorts walked by, and the guy said something like "Whoa baby," and my husband was like, "Umm, they're KIDS," and the guy said, referring to his 14-yr-old stepdaughter, "Oh yeah right! Listen to you! You're like, "Hey, (stepdaughter's name), when you gonna turn 18?" My husband just ignored him and kept talking about the car engine (the original topic). I was in a depressed mood that day or I would have verbally lashed out at the guy, like, "Why does he need to look at your stepdaughter when he has ME, you *******." As it is, that guy is now banned from our house. That's how much it pissed me off.

-- your husband sounds like he has a perverted problem, though, and can you leave if he won't change.

posted 10-20-2003 12:00 PM            

I suppose the thing that sticks out in everything you have talked about is the fact that HE has told you that he is not in love with you anymore and you continue to stay.

I would say that you are using the "looking" issue as a way to "keep connected" with him???Maybe?
You know like a kid that doesn't get any attention from the parents for doing good so then they do bad and then they get the parents attention.
You know he is going to do it. But you continue to "beat a dead horse", so to speak.
Maybe I am WAY off base but I am offering this as a possibility as we try and figure this out.

posted 10-20-2003 12:07 PM            

Granted there is a difference between looking and leering at people.

posted 10-20-2003 02:35 PM            

I DO know that pre-teens and teens today are increasingly more sophisticated than they were even 20 yrs ago. Your husband faces higher risks of a teen complaining to her parents about his behavior and you really have to sort out (there's that counseling again!) whether you want to be around, or in what role you will be, when that happens.

posted 10-20-2003 04:10 PM            

Guess it's not so uncommon as we'd like to think. I've also seen many 'chat' rooms on Yahoo for that, as in 'young girls who like older men', so like it or not, I guess it's out there. UGH!

I remember when I first heard my husband talk about these girls ... I mentioned that it's not 'normal' for an older man to want to be with a teenager ... but he said it was more prevelant than we realized ... guess he's right, unfortunately.

posted 10-20-2003 08:16 PM            

I guess that's what kills me ... he's blaming it on me!

And it's really WEIRD and STUPID ... but I can't deal with the thought of him finding a young girl or young woman ... to make him happy .. who will make him happier than I did! UGH! That just about kills me, I have NO idea why ... since he's such a jerk .. but I suppose my heart is still in love with him.

If I leave .. I leave with only 400 to my name .. and a car! I have NO family or friends who are willing to help! That's damn scary!

I want to find a room ... and then a job .. but I'd have to find that room right away ... and whos to say I will?

Anyway .. I'm trying to do my best.
Dee

posted 10-20-2003 08:19 PM            

Yes I agree about him being disrespectful .. and this isn't the only way he is!

Listen ... I've gotten mad at him before and hit him on the arm .. and he got REALLY angry ... scared me! I know I'd NEVER allow a man to hit me ... if that happened .. I'm gone .. and he's in jail... but it was just the idea ... and he was really MAD all day, saying that I was crazy ... and if it didn't stop that he'd move out!

Dee

posted 10-20-2003 09:00 PM            

Without wanting to go into my own life story (which I'm feeling sick about at the moment) I know someone like that, who always tries to say things are your fault. They know people like us don't have the self-esteem to have the conviction in our beliefs so we are left saying to ourselves "Maybe I AM overreacting", and then you drop it. But something inside yourself still doesn't feel right, and it builds and builds until it reaches a critical stage.

I agree that things have reached that critical stage here. I believe it's important that you see a counsellor pronto, if not for your relationship then for you to build up your self-esteem.

It sounds like he's not happy either by the things he's saying and his actions (it's likely he's trying to tell you he's not happy either by looking at these women so openly) so you have to decide whether they are fixable or not and whether you're going to be wasting your life trying to work on something that may not be workable?

posted 10-21-2003 05:22 AM            

Uhmmmmmm, obviously you haven't read ALL the posts I've written!

Read them!

Dee

posted 10-21-2003 10:19 AM            

It's very easy for me here, to look at your situation and say to LEAVE! Get out! This man is hurting you and you deserve better! But that is easier said than done. I personally always like to hear inspirational stories of real people who have been in situations like this who DID leave and it turned out to be the best thing ever. Let me tell you a true story about a woman I work with. Sweet lady, mid-50s, had a really nasty marriage and even nastier divorce. I don't know all the gory details, but she had a "I hate men" attitude for a while. She remained single for a while and thought she'd never date again, much less marry at "her age". Someone convinced her to join an on-line dating service and she did for the heck of it. She ended up meeting a terrific man her age. He treats her like gold! Every time I see her now, she is beaming. She tells me how this guy is so romantic, takes her away on weekends, buys her flowers, etc. They have so much in common and it's like they've known each other for years. She said, "I never really knew what it was like to be in love before. I'm 55 years old and I'm in love for the first time." It nearly made me cry! She now how a huge, fiery diamond engagement ring and is happier than she's ever been. Moral of the story: don't sell yourself short. Dreams DO come true.

What are you getting out of this relationship you are in? Are you only there for financial reasons? If so, that's okay -- but know that and act accordingly. Start doing what you need to do with the goal of moving on and building your own life. With your new focus on YOU, you won't have time to worry about HIM and what he's doing, and hopefully with time, you just won't even CARE anymore because you've moved on emotionally.

posted 10-21-2003 05:38 PM            

I'm married and I sometimes check out chicks when I'm driving as most men do, BUT I do it very, very discreetly. Sometimes, I see a chick in the corner of my eye, but I don't look because my wife is checking me out -- I usually end up with a very stiff neck

FIRST, I respect my wife by doing it discreetly.
SECOND, I do not lust after these women but I do admire their beauty.

That's as far as it goes; dd50's husband is different, he has NO respect for his wife and in light of his past and present issues, dd50 has good reason to be upset.

posted 10-22-2003 09:28 AM            

I could care less if my husband looks -- JUST LOOKS -- at other women when I am not there, as long as they are grown women. I'd flip if I knew he looked at high school age or younger.

If you are a woman, I do not believe for one moment that you have not seen at least a couple of devastatingly attractive men other than your significant other and that you could not help but look them over. There is a guy at the local video store that looks like James Franco and I think he is gorgeous -- but I would never let him know that!

posted 10-22-2003 11:02 AM            

I have been with my husband for 30 years, married 28 of those. We both look at striking people, men and women and no, we do not have bi-sexual tendancies. Just because we notice a pretty woman or a good looking man doesn't mean we are being dis-respectful to our spouse. Seeing a really goodlooking person doesn't even raise lust, just noticing the beauty that they have been blessed with. It might hurt my feelings if my husband said "I wish you looked like that", but he doesn't and I would never say "Wish you looked like him" - we still love each other, have been faithful and happy with each other.

I have a daughter, she is married and she is one of those women people stare at - young people, old people, men and women. It started when she was a baby, she was beautiful, looked just like a doll. Everytime we took her somewhere people looked and often stopped to comment on what a beautiful baby she was. When she was a little older, she was still getting very much attention, we rarely went somewhere where we didn't hear "Do you know who she looks just like, she looks just like the little girl on Poltergist", as she got older, the who you look just like changed to "You look just like Christina Applegate". These comments, like I said earlier were from all sorts of people, men, women, children, teenagers. Now she is married, but her husband would still notice someone that looked like Gwyneth Paltrow, Cameron Diaz or Brittany Spears walking down the street. Just as she would notice Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt or any of the other beautiful people. So, no it doesn't make me mad that he would notice someone else that has physical beauty, that old saying "Beauty is only skin deep" is true. Most mature people realize that just because you are beautiful (men or women) doesn't mean you are nice, interesting, kind or caring, all of the qualities needed for a good relationship.

posted 10-23-2003 10:39 PM            

I want to answer all of those who've recently responded, but perhaps in a day or so.

I'm in a bit of a shock, hurt and angry tonight, let me explain:

Jim and I started talking tonight, I was asking about NOT separating, and getting some GOOD counseling, to see if we can get some help and make this marriage work. After talking about stuff for a bit, I was trying to understand why he can't admit to what he does that hurts me and work on stopping, if he loved me. It was then that he was trying himself to explain things ... and then he said (as perhaps he himself realized this), that he believes he married me only for the SEX!

Man, did THAT hurt! That was a shocking revelation, and very hurtful ... I was angry, in shock and very, very hurt.

But you know ... it makes allot of sense! For 7 years I've been knocking my head against a brick wall, trying to figure out what was wrong with ME, why Jim couldn't 'connect' to me ... and why I never truly felt loved. Now I see it, if it WERE just for sex, and as he admits ... because he never really had love when he was a child, he doesn't know HOW to love, and equates sex with love. When things get complicated or challenging ... that's when he can't deal with it.

After crying, I got angry and told him that "I" married "HIM" for love! And that I never truly FELT loved ... and always wondered why ... and it made sense, but why the heck ... at age 48 when he met me, didn't he sense that ... and if he had doubts, he should have told me then .. and not hurt me for 7 years trying to figure out what was wrong with ME!

I also told him he owed me $50,000 for services rendered!

I'm still in shock ... but it also seems to have changed things in my head ... cause it put allot of questions to rest ... even though it hurts so much.

Hands sore ... fingers aching from the fibromyalgia, so got to go ... but wanted to share with you.