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Posted by Sunstorm on November 21, 1999 at 10:07:18:

In Reply to: Wife/mother with ADD posted by Lisa on November 20, 1999 at 21:04:47:

: I am a 29 yr old woman with a 3 and 1 yr old. I was diagonosed with ADD 4 years ago(through testing) but thought that just knowing I had it would help me deal with it. I think I didn't want to deal with having something wrong with me. In fact right now even though I am typing on this message board and reading others that sound just like me, I really don't believe it and think I may just have some of the simtoms.My biggest problem is that my home is (as my husband put it) chaos. I work from morning to midnight trying to get it clean and it never works. I try to organize and every day I feel I am getting a little better. Then my husband comes home and tells me that things are not looking better. This week he was home sick every day. Thursday I went out to get my daughter her birthday present(I went out at 11:00 pm because her birthday was friday-why do I procrastonate so!). When I got home at 1:00 my husband had this weird look on his face. I asked him what was wrong and he said he was worried about me. I didn't understand. I asked about what and he said he had been looking back at the whole week and saw me not being able to concentrate, being lured in by my daughters tv shows,strring off into space, etc. etc. He said I didn't seem in control and even though I was working all day in the house it still was messy. I said "I've told you this is how it is for the past 9 years of our marriage Did you think I was lying?" He finally understands I'm not just messy and lazy. I do want a clean house! I've been crying for 2 days(not straight). I feel like a failure. I just want to be a good mother and wife. I asked my mom if she knew of someone that cleans house and she said"If you don't work you should be able to keep your house clean)" That's how I feel too, but my husband now is not getting mad for my disorganization but wants to help me.My mother is not mean she just is not understanding. How can she when I don't even understand myself. Somebody stop me-I'm starting to ramble on. Please, I need help I'm just don't know where to start.Please feel free to e-mail me too. Lisa

Hello Lisa,

I can relate to where you're coming from, since I am a 33-year old man with ADD. I knew I was different from other people from
a young age. But it took struggling in college to really see just how much ADD has negatviely impacted my ability to function in high
stress situations, let alone keeping things organized. You've described exactly some of the challenges I still face today. It's exhausting mentally
and pyhsically to bust your butt all day only to be no further along at the end of the day. And I still have to reign in the "grasshopper mind" tendencies all the time
too. I didn't have a full understanding of what was going on with me until I was 26! It seems counseling would help both you and your husband,
your marriage seems to be under considerable stress. It's to his credit that he's making the effort to see the situation from your point of view. Some
married couples where one or both partners have ADD do fine, then problems break out because of the demands of parenthood, even for those
without ADD it's a hard job. What works for me though is to set aside a day or time of day for cleaning up my place, and sticking with it. By making a day,
"clean up day" I can keep my home from looking like the interior of the Titanic after it hit the ocean floor.... Take care Lisa, you are not alone.....


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