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Posted by Sunstorm on December 03, 1999 at 23:06:28:

In Reply to: My Story . Adult ADD posted by Mark Wardlaw on November 27, 1999 at 02:33:23:

Hello Mark!

I too have has many of the same experiences you had thanks to ADD. It's uncanny how we have many of the same experiences. I had to struggle to survive high
school and the university system, often I was so drained from the day I have been known to crash into my bed and sleep for 18 hours. Between the demands of school
and later work I often felt like a steel plate about to shatter under stress. Coping with both ADD and everything else has left me like that for days at a time. ADD has really
ruined prospects for relationships as well. After years of not meeting anyone that would give me a chance, I've stopped looking. Therefore I am single with no
kids, a fortunate state of affairs for the moment.

For the longest time I was told I was a geek, nerd and worse things while growing up, and my family situation also made thinges even more charged temper wise for me.
As a man, I was called lazy, careless, and found it hard to do what others seem to do with ease. Often in trying to keep up with others I would burn out and then switch
to autopilot mode. I never really understood what was going on with me until after I lost a job in part due to ADD and I turned 26. What a relief it is to know what is going on! I don't know what
was worse, the isolation and rejection, or the growing sense of futility that was on my shoulders about everything. It's hard to get out of bed when you feel like it always
goes against you no matter how much one tries. I was also flirting with depression, and I developed a fierce temper from what amounts to how people reacted to my ADD
and how it affected my interactions with others. With the constant and often severe stress, it can lead people with ADD to develop a short fuse to say the least.

The worst thing about ADD is that people don't see below the surface, they just see someone who is merely in their eyes, rude, arrogant, or has no social skills. They don't see that people
with ADD have a problem that isn't their fault, so they punish them. I lost count of how many times that has made made me extremely angry, so angry I had skull crushing headaches from it. Then
sometimes I would also without warning feel like I was dipped in wet cement or liquid acrylic. It's like being in a haze where you're brian is like a computer that runs very slowly. This has
happened at some really bad times, say like when I'm trying to merge to the left on the interstate without getting run over by a truck. I have had several accindents due to the "tv tuner" effect any
monotonous activity has on ADDers. Thankfully, no one was seriously hurt.

I just wanted to let you know there are other people who really and truly understand what you are up against. As for your situation, I can only offer this advice. Perhaps you might want
to look into the possibility of switching to another career where ADD is less of a problem. Perhaps you can try teaching, but in a different capacity, it's not just schools the require people to
teach others. Corporations spend millions bringing in people to teach others how to use computers, make engine parts and whatnot else. I found that photo-journalism at a daily newspaper to be too
much to take mentally, the stress and pressure is too much for me. So I am now going to move into the computer field, where the ecentricty of ADD is less of a handicap if not an asset.
I am not giving up on photography, but I'll follow a different course there so I can enjoy photography and earn income with it. After losing my job at a newspaper, I was so disillusioned I hardly picked up
my cameras until I returned to Alabama. Don't give up like I did, there has to be a way for you to fullfill your dream and keep your sanity.

Regardling your marriage, it sounds like
counseling is in order there. Why in the world your wife won't let you get help for him is beyond me. I never was on meds for ADD, even
though I was in a special school for a few years, I was on my own with ADD thereafter. Perhaps your wife just doesn't want to face the fact he may have ADD or does in fact have it. It sounds like she's
at her wits end over this, but one way or the other, stick to your guns and get some help for yourself and your son. Good luck to you, I hope things will turn out better for you soon.


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