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Posted by Victoria on August 31, 2000 at 02:08:08:

In Reply to: Re: Marijuana - Any one else addicted??? posted by roy on August 29, 2000 at 12:36:21:

: : : : Dear All,

: : : : I'm so tired of this s**t. I've been smoking pot for 20 years, and cannot quit. I've gone months before, when there was none to be found, but I didn't panic because I knew it would come around again. It costs so much money, and I'm tired of it. The effect it has on me is probably different from most. I get very energetic (not speedy, though), and get into paperwork, housework, and just generally happy with life. Not so when I'm trying to quit. Just went two weeks without, and couldn't stand it anymore. Gave in and bought some more. I've mentally justified my abuse of it for years, and I'm tired. I'm poking 40 years old with a short stick, and I want to change. Anyone been through this? Please, please, no replies saying God and Jesus will help. Thank you.

: : : Hi Victoria,
: : : I hear you! I'm a male 37 and have been smokin since I was about 13. Havent even been able to go a week lately without it. Then I usally smoke more cigarettes. I justify it by claiming it helps my creativity as a designer, and sometimes it does, but most of the time it eventully burns me out and effects my confidence in public.
: : : I think their are usally issues that need dealing with in order to be happy without it. Mine seem to stem from not wanting to much responsiblity or somethting. Maybe theirs someting else that can be as rewarding, in a way, like doing someting good for ourselves while not smokin, anyway, good luck
: : : Roy

: : Hey Roy -

: : I was glad to hear from you! Something you said really struck me, and I wanted to ask you something.... You said maybe we could find something else "as rewarding" as pot. Do you, like me, view and justify your use as a "reward" for going to work, or working around the house? 'Cause I do. I figure I "earned" it, by doing housework, laundry, cleaning, etc. (I'm a housewife, unfortunately). I, too, smoke way more cigarettes when I'm smokin'. So, the price is really high. $40 a quarter, and $25-30 a carton of cigs. Plus, the cost of munchies!!! Sound familiar? Please write back!

: Hi V,

: Yeah, using pot as a reward is starting to suck. i'm getting tired of it. Sure, I'll try to put it off and wait till the end of the day or do something that was motivated by getting high. I have recently found that checking the motivations of why i'm doing things is enlightening, although sometimes the motivations are not apparent or they are subconciouse.

: For me, I'm staring to believe that in getting high, their is a reason I do not want to be straight with or by myself, then I'll have to face more reality of responsiblity and growing up. I think its ok to get high once in a while...moderation, its when i would rather not smoke but do anyway that bothers me.

: There are thoughts that may be bothering you...
: " (I'm a housewife, unfortunately)." not being happy about someting sure will put me in a stoned mode, addictions are very sneaky. And there is the cost that adds up. Does your husband know or get high too? Smoking got in the way of my last relationship. Sometimes I just feel guilty for having the addiction and never having control.

: -T

Hey -T,

Yeah, unfortunately my husband and I get high together. BIG problem of the marriage. We blame each other all of the time for the mess of addiction we're in. And I think, yeah, that we both subconciously are afraid to live with each other as "straight" people. We were both smokers before we met, and so we're dealing with two addicts of over 20 years each..... I've tried to think of other rewards for myself, but never can. I don't get any monetary reward for my work, and I'm not into shopping, spending money, like some women. I agree about the avoidance of growing up, growing responsible, etc. I am very guilty about that, since I have two kids, 15 and 10 years old. The money that I spend on "it", and not them, builds a guilt in me that is ever-increasing. They're well taken care of, don't get me wrong, but there's ALWAYS more that one can do for their kids. Then there's the old justification that "Hmmm, pot makes me feel like a better person, and being a better person makes me a better mom"..... Face it, when I'm jonesin', I'm crabby. When I'm crabby, I'm miserable to be around. Endless, endless, cycle. As for you, it seems like you're kind of screwed either way with relationships. If you go out with someone who doesn't smoke, it'll be a BIG problem with them. If you go out with someone who DOES smoke, then he/she will be an enabler for you, and you'll never get away from it. Do you feel that way? I'd like to hear from you again. I'll be looking out for more postings to the board. Take care.


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