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Posted by Victoria on November 06, 2000 at 23:05:39:

In Reply to: Re: Jes doing okay, any suggestions for my husband? posted by Jes on November 06, 2000 at 13:35:31:

: I have decided that I have to take this one step at a time. Just because I realize I have a problem, doesn't mean that my husband will realize it as well. First thing on my list is to get to the point where I don't want any more. It is still in the house, but I am doing okay with it. Not that this is a good solution, but I am having a glass of wine with supper most nights, to allow me to relax. I am not getting drunk or even tipsy, but it is the step I have decided to take. If I find myself having more than one glass routinely, I will have to deal with that, but I don't see that happening. I am going to try to be careful. As for my husband, he knows I 'think' I have a problem, and he is trying to respect not smoking when I am around, but he is still doing it. I know I can't tell him what to do, but I am putting in a few ground rules: 1. Please keep it away from me. 2. Smoke it outside, and don't come in until you smell half decent. 3. Don't ask me to join you. 4. Try to respect my wishes, and be able to handle my mood swings.

: I am really lucky to have such a busy lifestyle right now, so I can keep my mind pre-occupied while I have my issues to work out. I am working full time during the day and taking full time night courses to get my degree. I will be busy like this for three years, and I am sure by the end of that I will be in the clear.

: One problem I have noticed is that I am starting to be a bit 'naggy' to my husband. I know this is the worst way to approach a subject, but it just comes out. I am trying subtle hints (but I am not the most subtle person). I mention things like "Twice in one day, I thought you were going to at least try", or "Oh man you reik", or "Smoking by yourself again, isn't that a fun time". etc... It is terrible, but I am trying to get him to see my point of view. Is there anyone out there who has had an addiction and was confronted by a significant family member? What worked for you? What did they do to let you understand that you had a problem? I don't want to force him to stop, I want him to do it one my own, otherwise he will throw it in my face at every argument we have. I appreciate any comments.

: Jes

Hey Jes,

I don't know what to say about your husband. I had to use threats, and be dominant about it. Every marriage is different, though. If he doesn't want to admit addiction, I don't know what to say.

What I'm worried about is you - you're trading one escape for another. You already know, from your past, that you have an addictive personality. Why in the world do you want to start drinking every day. Even a little bit is an escape, and one drink will turn into two, three, etc. If you are going to get sober, that includes everything. One substance abuse isn't better than another.

I'm not the best one to give advice, though. I think I've posted this before, but I have slipped up twice since the start of our two month sobriety streak. It may have been good for us though, because my husband now says he's sick of it, too. We'll have to see if this time, our vow to get clean sticks. Wish us luck. We really need it.

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