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Posted by Sean on October 24, 1999 at 19:20:11:

In Reply to: My girlfriend smokes pot. posted by boyfriend on October 20, 1999 at 10:50:57:

: I'm 31, my girlfriend is 35, we've been going out for over 6 months. She has smoked pot on and off for most of her life.
: It concerns me a lot. I am concerned about her health. We both love each other very much and have talked about getting married and having a family together.
: I don't want my future wife to be a pot head, and I also don't want her to suffer from health problems related to her smoking in the future.
: I also don't like not knowing whenever I see her if she is stoned or not, or how stoned she is. I don't want to have serious/romantic discussions with her when she is stoned, but I don't always know, so I tend to assume she is, which can ruin our evening.
: I don't want to lose her, nor does she want to lose me. She has broken up with me a couple times over this, only to come back realizing how stupid it was to lose me because she wanted to smoke pot.

: Any advice you could give would be greatly appreciated.

: Thank You.

Pot is one of my vices, and I have analyzed many aspects of what I consider to be a sort of addiction to that drug. First off, serious/romantic discussions with her could actually be amplified in aspects of her truthfulness and/or emotion if she has smoked before. That's one of the effects of pot. Don't assume that she'll only be goofy or stupid. Personally, pot makes me feel more like a kid again. I do a lot of art and poetry.
One piece of information that I think is relevant is how much she smokes. When I smoke, I find that there are many different levels I can be on based on how much I smoke at a time and the type of pot I smoke. If she smokes a bowl or a small j, she will *not* be stoned. She might get buzzed, or maybe high, but not stoned. You only get stoned when you smoke too much, like when you take bong rips or smoke a blunt.
If you postulate this, you can draw many conclusions. Pot for your girlfriend might be like a beer at the end of the day, just to unwind a bit. Or, on a more serious note and with a bit of cliche, she might smoke a bunch to cover up possible emotional problems. This is what I found myself doing for a year until I was diagnosed as manic depressive. I started anti-depressants and now I smoke rarely. Point being, THC acts as an antidepressant, so I was smoking out to solve that problem without even knowing I had it; I guess it was subconscious.
Sit her down and pick her brain nicely. Ask her how she feels about life and what she's doing with her time on earth. You should do this when she hasn't smoked. Take her out for the weekend, or out to dinner. Get her some wine instead :) If you two are close, you should be able to communicate your deepest feelings, so get her to be honest.
What you should try to do is to get her to answer her own questions and solve her own problems. Just reflect her thoughts, don't accuse or assert anything. Psychiatry often operates on this principle. If you act as a vessel that they can pour everything into, the person will be able to self-analyze very well. And when a person does this, they are often able to realize, deal with, or even solve their own problems.
If she sounds depressed (I'm sure you can find a web site or a friend who is a doctor that will offer descriptions of this disorder and symptoms/thought patterns) you should ask her if she thinks she is depressed. Maybe you could get her to see a professional. You'll have to be gentle though.
One of the best things you can do after this is tell her exactly how you feel. Let her know you are inquiring out of concern for her well-being.
You should make sure she doesn't think that you won't stick by her if she does decide to quit. She'll need you more than ever during this time. If she backslides, don't get mad, don't give up on her.
Oh, and be sure you can think of plenty of distractions like going to the park or to a movie or shopping or something fun. That'll help break the routine that pot has become.


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