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Posted by Julie. on July 13, 2000 at 02:22:43:

In Reply to: Looking for advice posted by susan on July 12, 2000 at 01:09:03:

Boy, do your concerns touch home in my family. I've seen all three of my sisters live through pot-heads in the name of love. And all three of them went through bouts of either looking over it or trying to get the guy to quit: "only smoke out of the house," "where's the money gone this week?" questions and everything else. Please believe me when I tell you that an addict will NOT curb usage or quit until he or she does it for themselves and no one else.

Unfortunately, all three of my sisters stayed in their marriages until the guys left them. (Can you believe it?) Now I have 8 nieces and nephews that "never see daddy" because he's moved away with a younger girlfriend and never, ever calls.

Enough about me. Let's look at an addict. Addicts almost always lie about their usage. They hide the usage, downplaying the frequency and amount. The substance makes them feel sooo good that their thinking is just impaired. No excuses, just an explanation. And I'm an ex-addict. Since you have just started dating the gentleman, perhaps it's better to tell him "I'm uncomfortable with a substance user." and gently send him on his way..... OUT of your life. I hope this helps in some small way.

: I am 38 years old divorced with two small children, I have recently started dating a 35 year old man who tells me that he smokes pot daily. I am concerned and the idea of this bothers me. I say to him you are addicted it you are using a drug (however mild) daily and he said that yes he is addicted. I have been doing a lot of reading and research into marijuana addiction (online) and I am absolutely floored by the amount of material available. I am really concerned now whether I am wasting my time with this guy or what! I really like him a lot and he likes me but I want to give him some of this information to read and tell him he has to make a decision between me and the pot. He knows I will not be able to live with it ultimately however, I think he is hoping I will be so in love with him I will just kind of over look it and somehow come to accept it as 'normal' . I don't want this kind of influence around my children. I have never even seen this guy smoke pot. He is very private about that and that seems kind of weird to me too. I would really appreciate any advice from anyone who is or has experienced this sort of thing.

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