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Posted by Marci on May 16, 2000 at 14:08:33:

In Reply to: Sibling Rivalry posted by Laura Vaughn on March 23, 2000 at 07:01:11:

: My mother (68yrs) has been diagnosed w/AD. My youngest half brother from
: her second marriage has her living with his family. I have 3 other sisters
: from my moms first marriae. All siblings grew up together with our mother
: and my brothers father. Both fathers are deceased.
: Since my brother and SIL have taken over they have not informed us of my
: moms health at all. Once this Christmas mom was still living w/ my youngest
: sister and was rushed to the hospital. My SIL told my sister not to call any
: of us . Had it not been for my SIL spurting out in a fit of anger to my
: sister a few weeks ago we would have not known she even had AD. They knew
: for 4 months.
: To complicate this matter my younger sister has financially and emotionally
: become dependent on our mother as she is mentally slow. Kimmy cannot
: function in the real world. She is 40 yrs old. 8 yrs ago My mom bought a
: 4plex apartment building in which mom and my sister lived in one. My mother
: said she wanted to make sure Kimmy had a place to live in when she passed
: on.
: My mother went to live w/my brother and his family 1 month ago. When she
: left my SIL informed my older sister that our younger sister would have to
: move out. This week they insist on her moving. So they can sell the 4 plex.
: My SIL in front of my mom accused my older sister of not caring if my mom
: died right in front of our mother. She is constantly saying none of care.
: Now I am not familiar at w/AD up until now...but to tell a AD person that
: her children do not care what happens to her will that progress the disease.
: I feel this is not a heathy to care for my mother. I worry what this will do
: tpo my moms already shaky state of mind. We (sisters) are not welcome to
: visit our mother...The SIL is very nasty to us...and my mom is getting like
: her. My mother never got along at all w/SIL so I find it hard to believe
: she would subject herself to being under her care.
: We have 2 concerns Our mothers welfare, and our sister who will be left out
: in the cold. Now of course we sisters will not allow that to happen but
: financially we will have no help from our mom. Our mom thinks we want her
: money and that we will steal from her apartment...I am sure it is this AD
: condition but I also feel there is allot of things being put in her head
: from brother and SIL. Why else will they not reveal anything to us about
: her. To think they would allow her to think like that about us is bizarre
: unless they want her to. WE do not want her money we want to have our given
: right as her children to have a relationship with our mother. This is
: driving me crazy..
: Sorry for the book I wrot I just need some coaching..;lauraV

Laura, I am in a similar situation as you with my brother. I worry constantly about the way he verbally abuses my mother and lives on HER social securiy check and leaves her with NO money. She is dependant on me for her every need, yet she protects him whenever I try to discuss this with her. Mother suffers from dementia, incontinance, is diabetic,etc. He has put so many negative ideas in her mind about me, my husband and children that she has become very suspious of us and thinks we want to put her in a nursing home. That is the furtherest thing from my mind. I am paying for the home she lives in in order for her to feel indepedant and he constantly comes around keeping her upset and making her feel worse. I am at my wits end not knowing what to do. I had a horrible argument with him last night in front of my mother which naturally upset her very much. I was awake all night worrying about what I should do that's in her best interest. I hate to get the Courts involved, but so far I can think of no other solution. It's a nightmare trying to deal with this. I only want to make her last days as pleasant for her as I possibly can, and my brother seems to be trying to punish and blame her for all his failures in life. I don't know what to do. I guess I need some coaching too. My heart goes out to you. I know how you are feeling.

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