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Posted by Susan on September 12, 2000 at 10:53:08:

In Reply to: My son hates me posted by ck on September 12, 2000 at 07:42:38:

: I have a son aged 13 with autism.My husband is very strict with him, and does not allow him to make any mistakes without shouting at him etc.I feel he is being 'controlled' too much.My son is very quiet when his dad is around but when he is not he is terrible with me, he pinches me, hits his sister,screams and ignores any requests.People cannot understand why he is so badly behaved with me.I try to be very fair with him and reward the good things but he still is so angry/hyper with me.I have told my husband that I think he is too 'controlling and that I think my son is getting his frustration re this out on me.Last year my husband went away for 4 weeks and my son was uncontrollable, screaming ,demanding and destructive. I nearly cracked up! I am so worried if he goes away this year what will happen. My son cannot 'cope' when his dad is not around. I feel he cannot cope with closeness, love and affection.(I feel like leaving him and his dad sometimes) I want to love him mostly but he ignores me.

I too have a "difficult" son, who listens and behaves so much better for my huband. I get so frustrated and sad because I try so hard to understand and to be fair with him. A part of me thinks this is the "age old" problem of the children not fearing the mother because we're with them so much more. I treat my son with the same disipline as my husband (o.k. I'm a little more lenient and loving) but isn't that the maternal instinct in us? I think we have to remember that our children are children first and have autism second. I try to treat my son as I treat his two "typical" brothers (as far as the disipline goes) but yet there is a difference. I can't "manage" him as my husband does. Maybe our sons can't handle the love and affection in the way we're handing it out. I will never quit showing my son how much I love him, but you got me thinking, maybe I just have to show him in a way he's more comfortable with, more structure, more disipline. I know I probably haven't helped you at all, just want you to know you're not alone in this matter.

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