Thread: Divorce??
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Old 08-05-2004, 03:05 PM   #14
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Western USA
Posts: 1,758
Ninispjc HB User
Re: Divorce??

Originally Posted by eightball61
My parents are in thier 40's and going to celebrate their 25 years together. In reality I can't understand how people can be married that long or longer and just call it quits unless you really dont get along. I rather try to work it out rather than being a grumpy ol' man that the neighborhood kids make stories about.
Well, according to the study you are referring to, it would be your wife who would just one day come to you and say "Jeff honey, I want a divorce." Whoa!! How do you stop that from happening if she's made up her mind she no longer wants to be married to you. I think the best way to stop that from happening is just communication. I know that's really an overused word these days, but you just need to talk to each other about the stuff that really matters. Like Dr. Phil says, discuss the ISSUES, not the TOPICS. For example, a topic that you may fight about is he insists on going out with the boys every Friday night to have his "guy time" and says he needs it and she should just understand, and she says she can't understand why he needs time away from her and why it has to be every Friday night. The ISSUE behind this topic is he's feeling suffocated and nagged, she's feeling neglected and disrespected and perhaps has a trust issue and is wondering what he's doing when he's out. Now, I don't think Dr. Phil is the end all and be all, but sometimes I do think couples don't really argue about what's at the bottom of their problems and feelings. I know my ex and I didn't. We talked and talked and talked, and never said anything that really mattered. He thought it would be better to just lie to me, and 6 years later, I'm still angry and bitter and hurt by it. So I'd say communication is what's most important.