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Old 06-18-2005, 09:06 AM   #1
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: PA
Posts: 200
cryingskies HB User
I need some help

Hi, I'm new in this board. I dont know too much about PTSD but everyone around me has told me that i have it. My big brother, who has never, ever spoken up to me about anything like this in my life had somewhat of a breakdown with me a few months ago and i guess im just now letting it sink in. I've been struggling with an Eating Disorder, anorexia, for the past 6 years. which has put a lot of a strain on me and a lot of stress, as well as on my family and friends, ive lost most of my friends, and my fam prob would walk away if they could. but when my brother wrote me a letter to get real with me i guess because he didnt want to actually talk it out with me he said that im not going to make it if icant get it together and try too get out of this hole im in. my best friend died a year and 8 months ago, well it will be a year n 8 months in a couple more days. I was at his house with my ex and his ex, we were all great friends and had been for years, me, my best friend, and my ex were inseperable. we went to his house to party. i got so drunk along with the two boys, the other girl ,dianna, mostly always stays sober i guess soif something happens that she can take care of it. anyways to make a long story short, my best friend and his ex got into it, and he came out on the porch to me because he was mad and upset, and he just went crazy and we had no control. he stole her car and took off, he hit a tree and died that nite. i just i dont know, icant let it go, i feel like it's my fault, i had the chance to stop him and i didnt take it. because the story is a little more than what i had said, the girl dianna come down the driveway n her car,she was gonna leave, she was my ride and i didnt want her to, because they always fought and she'd always leave, well i got her out of the car and had her walking across the street with me tocalm downand she said let me get my keys, i pulled her with me and promised that the car wasnt going anywhere, and i was more wrong than i could have ever knwon i was gooing to be, and now its my fault he's gone....i dunno, can someone lend me a hand
peace and love

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