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Old 06-21-2005, 08:07 PM   #1
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 430
NatashaW HB User
Unhappy Sick with Mono/EBV For so long...Feel like I am dying inside & giving up hope

I have been ill with mono/EBV for over a year now. I have also had mono in the past but it was only last summer when I became so ill that I was finally diagnosed with mono. I have never recovered..I got a tiny little bit better for a while and could still attend my college classes...but then in March I again became so ill I just had to drop out. So I am not going to college or working and I get so exhausted just going to the grocery store that I feel light headed and want to come home and go to bed. I have tried to "work through it" and tried to keep living my life like my dr's have said (quote "Mono won't kill you, just keep doing your thing, just don't over do it) but I just can't even leave the house hardly anymore. I just keep testing positive for mono and EBV and no one, not even my doctor, seems to understand how extrememly indescribably tired I am all the time. My parents keep telling me to go back to the doctor but all that ever happens is they test me for mono again and it comes back positive and they tell me to rest and increase my fluids! I have been doing that for over a year now, it ain't workin' docs!
I am getting so depressed and I just don't know what to do anymore. I can't think about my future or school because it just depresses my more. The thing is, before I got sick I was finally starting to feel really positive about my life and school and my future career and was feeling pretty good until I got sick. I used to take antidepressants but the last one I took nearly turned me psychotic and made me horribly suicidally depressed so I will never, EVER put another antidepressant back into my body (I am just one of those people that respond badly to them). I have also gained about 15 lbs since I got sick because I haven't been able to exercise and all I do is lay around (I do walk on our tread mill whenever I have a "good day" and don't feel totally crappy for about a half hour, so I do get some exercise) so that's just another thing to be depressed about.
Sorry to vent but I feel so alone and scared.

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