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Old 01-14-2006, 05:21 AM   #2
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 3,336
Ruth6:11 HB UserRuth6:11 HB User
Re: Unsure of next step...

Neither of you are bad people. Just maybe not the right people for each other. (Which involves a bit more than being in love)
You need someone who doesn't want to rehash their whole day with you the moment you set foot in the door.
She needs someone who will listen, thrive on the drama, and listen some more.
Can she change this part of her personality?
Could you?
And should EITHER of you have to?

She is obviously seeking marriage - and I do think that if you are doing anything unfair it is in not leveling with her about what characteristics you would need in a wife. Whose push was it that led to your living together? If it was hers she may have thought that once she was living with you you would want to take the next step. If it was you, was it because you thougt you could delay a marriage?

From the advantage of seeing many relationships over many years, it seems that those who say "but I love him/her" while dealing with major differences have the most problems. Those who are with someone with common values, ethics, personality needs, etc. WITH love seem to do the best.

So, with the understanding that you do love her,... is she right for you?