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Old 10-27-2006, 12:39 PM   #5
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 106
Neleah HB User
Re: New Relationship With Bipolar Partner

When I first started dating my bipolar (currently) ex, he was stable, so I did not realize that he is bp until after a few months. He would detach occasionally, but he always made sure he communicated it to me and it was usually only for a few hours. During the summer, he cycled a lot more (detached more, was depressed, hypomanic, stable during one day or a few days), but he was still *there* and made sure that I know that he loves me, but was not physical. I was ok with that because at that point we had decided for him to see a pdoc. After two weeks of depression, he went into mania and psychosis, within two days he emotionally detached and started an online relationship with a woman who is nothing like me and the opposite of what he always wanted. He went from loving me more than anything else to having no empathy, no idea how I am feeling, hurtful, mocking, aggressive (not so much towards me - he knows I am not having it), delusional, etc. It's been 3 months now and he seems to come down a bit, but I am not sure.

He is not on medication and I have no idea what will happen. It was all so very sudden and sometimes I think I am still in shock. I would have never expected this. I love him and I know he is very ill, so I will wait until he is stable and see from there. He needs help, but is very much in denial currently (the other woman agrees that he is not bp - makes him feel healthy...). I would have handled it differently had I known from the getgo what was going on, but when the mania first started (he tried to keep it up, but there was no love or emotion), I had no idea what was going on for some reason (it was a very stressful time in general).

I don't mean to scare you and it's great that he is on meds and aware of his cycles. When my ex was not yet manic, we talked a lot about his cycling, what triggers it, etc. and it really helped both of us. So I think communication is key. But it looks like one has to be prepared for everything. The difficult part is also that all of my friends think I am nuts for not just kicking him out of my life. But there were signs in between that he still loves me and is afraid of me leaving. This episode is the longest and worst ever and is taking a toll on his career and his life. He does not realize this right now and I want to be there when this is over.

Kleeko is so right with what she says and I have gotten the same advice from other mothers with bp sons in my support group. I decided to give it a shot and see what happens, but I have to brace myself for the fact that he won't go on medication or stay on it and I have to promise myself to leave then because I have seen the rage and anger and I don't dare think where that can lead to should this get worse...and I don't ever want to put up with another woman again. Boundaries are really important I think.

But your guy is taking meds, so that's great! I personally wouldn't express my love for the first time when he is unemotional and distant. You could just be there and keep it up. It will be over eventually. But then I am not bp, I just know that nothing penetrates my ex when is like that and it hurts to tell someone you love him and it does not register.

In a nutshell, it's so unpredictable. I am in for it should he get treatment, but I also know that it will be hard work.

Sorry for writing so much. It helps to talk about it I guess.
How is doing now?

Last edited by Neleah; 10-27-2006 at 12:41 PM.