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Old 03-12-2008, 12:16 AM   #6
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 1,883
cmpgirl HB User
Re: commitment phobic? a bit long

Seachange: I have to agree with some of the other posts, especially about the whole friends with benefits thing. Call me old fashioned, but to me, you have to be a particular type of person to handle an arrangement like that.

If you are going to sleep with someone, without having more than just sex, you have to be in a place in your life where you know exactly what you want. If you are in any way the type of person who, in their heart, is looking for a true partner in life, this is only going to slow that process down or bring it to a screeching halt.

People may like to think there are no strings in a relationship like that, but that's almost impossible. One of the people involved is usually likely to develope deeper feelings, and that can end up as real heartache.

I'm glad you see it differently now. It sounds to me like you're a pretty intuitive guy and I think you need to take some time and figure out just what you want in a partner. Dating non-exclusively during this process, shouldn't hinder that. How else are you going to see who's out there? Just take your time and remember that it takes two to make a relationship last or fail.

I don't see you as commitment phobic at all. Both #1 and #2 had a responsibility to work at the relationship too. It's never up to one person to do all the work. And it is work. I've been with my husband 25 years and it wasn't always fireworks and picnics in the park. Things happen in life that pull you away temporarily from your relationship. What's important is to not let it pull you away permenantly.

Go out, have a good time and relax. It will happen when it's the right time and the right person. Best of luck, cmpgirl