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Old 05-05-2008, 04:41 AM   #8
Junior Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: ca
Posts: 19
norco18 HB User
Re: Clean but Depressed PLEASE ADVISE

Ok, I researched PAWS and now am even more depressed. What I read said that these symptoms can last for years! That doesn't sound like fun. One website said something to the effect that "people think that clean living should feel better, but it doesn't and most people go back to using." yeah, encouragement at 3 am.

I know, I'm sarcastic. That's just me. Too damn smart for my own good is what everyone always said. Whatever that was supposed to mean. Not very smart to get hooked on the pills though.

I know, from what I've read here, that people tend to use because of demons in their past - or present - or because they can't cope with something. I guess that was me. I started to deal with a genuine medical problem, then kept at it because it numbed some nasty memories.

Did you guys have nightmares? Droopy, are you having nightmares? I can't stop dreaming about certain things, which is why I used in the first place. How do I get rid of THAT? And, Droopy, I am sorry your wife isn't understanding. My husband doesn't get it either. He doesn't understand why I can't "put the assault behind me" and "get over it" and he certainly doesn't understand why I ever used in the first place. Or had a problem with it. He's strong. I'm not.

Then, of course, I get rude and think, "Hey, buddy, you weren't the one raped, beaten, choked and left for dead" but that's not fair because I just have to think he's had to deal with it too, in some form or another.

I hope your day is better and your week, too. My husband is going out of town, which isn't good because I always get so stressed, frustrated and WEAK when he isn't around to intimidate me. Wish me luck.