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Old 09-10-2008, 08:14 AM   #5
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Re: Please friend needs help bad, worried

like i said sammy,it IS in HER hands. if she is actually staying with you,it may make some things a bit easier as far as using that to get her to where she simply has to be. you can set down some rules. if she says she is not using,then have her prove it. there are some home test kits that you can buy and tell her that you are not going to have her abusing in your home. if you suspect ANYTHING,she needs to comply with a UA for you. all you can do is help guide her thru a plan here but she has to do the rest hon. sit down together and set a plan/goals,that she has to meet by specific dates. she really really would be so much better off if she talked to her doc about this,with you maybe going with her if she feels too intimidated? she just REALLY sounds very depressed from what you have described here. THAT needs to be adressed first and foremost before anything else is ever going to really work for her. its a "block' to just getting better that has to be dealt with first.

i really would just get her to see her doc about the depression and also maybe start seeing some sort of therepist who can help her to deal with whatever it is that she has 'been thru'. not too sure just what she has had to deal with,but if it was a significant thing,it also needs to be dealt with too. there is clinical depression and situational depression,but both really require at least some form of good ongoing therepy to just help get the negative crap out and start being able to see that light at the end of the tunnel again. it can get pretty dang overwhelming and just give you that feeling of nothing is ever going to get better for me crap? it messes with your head and makes you feel why bother? then that negative junk just sits and all you can think about is from a completely black or really negative place. THAT needs to be dealt with by someone who treats depression. honestly sammy,with all that i have had to go thru in my life,my threpist is about the only person,along with good old lexapro,that has been able to get me to see that there is hope for my future. if you don;t 'feel' that there is hope,you are not going to do the best things for yourself or make the best choices either.why bother? i did have that thinking pattern,again, at least a few times here in the past nine years with just SOO freaking much happeneing to me and to our son. way too much than any one person should ever have to deal with and in such a short period of time. it was seeing my therepist that helped keep me on track.

she may not actually even 'have" what would be considered a "true' addiction going here,this could just be some pretty intense depression being played out and the meds just make it more tolerable? self medicating/trying not to feel what you don;t want to feel or deal with,ya know? if she is not seeking out meds or showing the real signs of a true addiction going on,then i am willing to bet it is what i just told you. the thing here is tho,if this depression is left and not actually treated,THEN you will start seeing the more profound "addictive" behaviors play out. self medicating will become the 'way' she chooses to 'treat' her depression,then it becomes a much much bigger issue like mine was.

you two just really need to sit down and formulate a plan and some rules that she is going to have to follow and the goals she needs to meet at certain and specific times. her first goal needs to be seeing her doc and making sure her depression is at least Dxed so it can start to be treated properly. getting a referral to a good therepist would be the next step. but she simply HAS TO set goals here for her and for you. your involvement here is to help her set a plan for herself and help her to stay on track, follow thru and just be as supportive as you can sammy. but only she can deal with what is actually in her head. sometimes,just helping someone to see there are options and choices and helping get them to the right ones with that plain of action is one huge block that gets removed for them so they can do the rest. but she HAS TO want to help herself. i do wish i had better words for you hon,but the majority of this is in her hands and that want needs to be there. you CAN help with that part just by making her see things in a much more positive way vs the negative crap that is in her head right now. i do hope this helped at least some sammy. please keep us posted. Marcia
3-22-01,herniated C-6-7
11-20-01,placement of hardware for failed fusion
9-22-03,removal of cavernous hemangioma that was inside spinal cord. Neuro damage to L hand L leg and R leg.