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Old 11-19-2008, 07:33 PM   #7
Martha H
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Re: my rant for today!!!!

Dear Jagsmu,

Wait. Don't panic right away. Just as we all learned to do it the hard way, learned to accept reality and not try to bring the person back into our reality, your BIL will also learn how to deal with it. If your sis is in the early stages, there is a good chance she will not be too far gone when the new medicine comes out ... or maybe she does not have Dementia at all but has some other problem which can be treated now. Perhaps this new testing will show it is not frontal lobe dementia.

You were absolutely right not to go to the hospital by plane. What is he thinking? He can NOT slough off his responsibility onto you just because he thinks you can do it better (thus proving that all along that you have been right about your Mom).

If he cannor deal with it, it is up to him to get all the right insurance, POAs, find a nice group home, NH or assisted care place for her, pay for it, or get her onto a state paid plan. None of that has anything to do with you at all. He will struggle through it as best he can. If your sister has grown up children they will most likely contact you for advice, and you are in a good position to make suggestions but not demands. You are not in any way required to offer practical help!

I often thought, during al the years my sister was in denial about our Mom, that maybe her intense fear of losing her own control over her life and mind was behind her refusal to believe Mom had dementia. I made out my mental plan for that contingency back then - a few years ago. If she gets dementia her husband and her grown children have the right, the responsibility and the means to take care of her; I will have nothing to do with it except a friendly word now and then.

You have no reason to feel guilty when you refuse to do some irrational thing an unthinking person asks you to do!

I hope they call you when they get a diagnosis --- to inform you, not to ask for your full time help!



Last edited by Martha H; 11-19-2008 at 07:36 PM.