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Old 03-13-2009, 02:51 PM   #5
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 461
fossilapostle HB User
Re: Looking for Support

The libido thing could be a drug side effect, but there is no drug in the world makes you attracted to a specific person. If her libido is really better now, is your sex life better? If not, that's something to wonder about.

That's a seperate problem that has nothing to do with drugs or depression. Of course, one partner in a marriage being attracted to another person is so common that it's hardly worth mentioning usually. But the really strange thing is that she's telling you and the rest of your family about this guy. I think you need to think about why she is doing this.

Think about it this way, I'm sure you've been attracted to other women at some point, right? Who hasn't? But I doubt you went and told your wife about it. Why would you? It would only hurt her feelings and make her jealous.

So it makes me wonder why she's telling you about this. It could be because she's jealous that you have this new life and she's trying to make you jealous so you'll pay more attention to her. Or it could be that she's trying to break it to you gently. I'm not trying to make you feel worse, but is it possible that more is already going on than just her being attracted? The fact that she is telling her mother and your daughter about this man makes me extremely suspicious that this has already gone beyond mere attraction. Why is she trying to introduce this man to your family? Would you talk to your daughter about some woman at work you had the hots for? It makes no sense unless something way more serious is going on, or is about to.

Anyway, if you're intererested in salvaging the marriage, I'd suggest counseling immediately. If you're not interested (and reading your post I could see why you might feel that way - you seem like you've done more than your part and haven't gotten much gratitude in return), then maybe just let things take their course.... At least then you could get a fault based divorce then and you probably wouldn't get creamed on the alimony if she was cheating on you. Talk to a lawyer about it though if you're considering that, b/c there's a lot of issues involved.