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Old 06-23-2009, 12:58 PM   #10
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Victoria BC Canada
Posts: 418
ebrena HB Userebrena HB User
Re: Mother is Dying of Lung Cancer, sister doesn't care...

Hi Abigal sorry about your mom it is very difficult to be with a loved one every day knowing they are dying. I also know how angry you are at your sister for laying it all on you. I also looked after my dad in 1993 and my mom in 2005 daily as they were dying. It was amazing how my sibs just ran the other way both times. They would even call in case I asked them to help me with something. I was angry and I also lost a lot of respect for them. I am the oldest in the family and I believe the most mature of the family and I just got in there and did and I am glad I did, more so for my mom as here and I were very close. My disrespect for these people I grew up with has not and will not change-but I had to let the anger go because I was mad every freaking day. I was not going to allow any of them to put in me into that space and stay there. I believe in karma and I really hope when it is their turn to head out they have someone to care for them. Because I won't be! I also know that if I got sick they wouldn't come around either. It is sad and hard to take but I guess they can live with their reason's and you can live with the fact that you were there for your parent's. Your sister knows you are angry with her and my family knows where they stand with me. It has never been talked about but they know. The thing that got me was on the day my mom passed I was with her as usualy and my brother and wife came for the first time for a visit but discovered it was the end for mom. So they had the honor of the final good byes around mom's bed. BUT they also told everyone that they were there with mom till the very end!! gurrrrrr There is nothing I can do about that either. I didn't like my dad, he was a miserable father towards me but I was still there for him and helped my mom as he was passing, my sister who my dad thought was the apple of his eye was no where to be seen or heard from. So good or bad you are a caring and loving daughter who put your life aside to help them in their last breath's feel good about that. My other sibs are alcoholic's so they apparently can't help it how they handle things, at least that's what I hear. So if anyone said to me it was my own fault I looked after the people who brought me into this world-I say I hope someone is by their side at their end because we all need each other sometime. Try not to put too much energy into anger it is useful and exhausting and they just aren't worth it.